Windy City Musings...from a Salt City Miss

Big Weekend

2009-03-06T12:01:00.002-06:00

I am resolved that along with all my other chores planned for tomorrow to do the big birthday celebration, my cat getting a bath is very high on that list.
So far my list goes like this –
1. get up (most important obviously)
2. make coffee (this could actually be #1, but seeing as I have to complete #1 first, it has to be #2. Of course I could do the whole #1a and #1b, but I prefer simplicity)
3. BATH THE CAT! This of course should take up a good portion of my day, seeing a how he hates bath, but he really needs one.
After #3, I have drop off dry-cleaning and finish the laundry. Then I need to fit in a nap somewhere, because I have a long night ahead on Saturday. My girls are taking me out for dinner and then we'll meet up with the rest of the crew for a very late night. I'm hoping to remember to take pictures at some point!

I promise if we do take pictures I'll share.

Cheers!

A Barbie I Can Admire

2009-03-05T17:03:00.002-06:00

http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/92343?fp=1

Seriously, the NASCAR Barbie I just can't understand, but come on a tattooed Barbie is just plain awesome!

I think mothers could use this as a tool for predicting the future escapades of their daughters. If the tattoos are to be placed on the Barbie by the little girls or boys who play with them, then the mothers could predict where their teenage daughters/sons might fall on the "purity" scale.

For instance, if little Janie (we'll call our little heroine Janie) places, say a butterfly, on Barbie's shoulder or ankle, then said mother really has nothing to worry about when her little girls grows up. She'll continue to be pure and chaste and remain a good little girl.

However, if little Janie starts placing tramp stamps, full sleeves and navel tattoos on her Barbie...said mother needs to start googling the nearest convents!

5 Things One Should Never Do....

2009-03-02T10:44:00.002-06:00

If you're so stupidly drunk that you cannot even write your name.
1) Drive - Obviously!
2) Go to Work - this of course will get your ass fired, trust me on this one. (note - no I've never been fired for showing up to work drunk...just trust me)
3) Operate heavy machinery - yes this goes right along with driving, but there are times when you're so drunk that your house keys are so heavy you can't seem to keep hold of them. I include in this category almost anything that plugs in to an outlet or requires batteries...almost anything ;)
4) Go swimming - Really, I mean come on, this is pretty self explanatory, if you cannot walk a straight line, how in hell do you think you are going to keep you head above water in a pool/lake/river? I'm leaving out hot tubs, because I'm always game for hot tubs, just remember if you've had too much to drink, your hangover will feel worse in the morning, guaranteed!and lastly...now you might think I'd say - drunk dialing an ex, but I won't, because there have been some very interesting interludes in my past with exes that involved a drunk dial, and well they make great stories.
5) Try to help the hysterical girl in the bathroom - She is obviously having some sort of emotional crisis, usually involving a guy. In fact if there is a girl crying hysterically in the bathroom of a club/bar IT ALWAYS INVOLVES A GUY! Trust me on this one...stay as far away as you can get, because you can only make the situation worse! TRUST ME!

My Five Biggest

2009-02-10T20:08:00.001-06:00

Weaknesss:

1) Peanut M&Ms. Seriously I cannot turn these things down and a little weird fact is that I have to eat them in even numbers. I have a slight amount of OCD and it manifests itself in this way.

2) New shoes. I love new shoes and I wear high heels almost all the time. I realize that I'm already 6' tall, but I have no problem being even taller. It comes in handy in a crowded room when you're looking for your friends...or cute guys.

3) Baseball players and musicians. Especially pitchers and piano players! I don't know what it is specifically, but it's a power thing. Pitchers control the pace of a game and musicians have rhythm. Two very excellent qualities in....tennis, umm yeah tennis.

4) Bourbon. It's not like I'm an alcoholic, but I love bourbon. Specifically bourbon on the rocks and I'm discovering more bourbons as I get older. Apparently there is something intriguing about a woman who drinks whiskey.

5) Animals. I can't help it, I'll take animals over kids anyday.

5 Reasons Why.....

2009-02-06T10:53:00.002-06:00

My new Aluminum MacBook is better than a boyfriend:

1) He helps me shop. It's all online of course, but he never complains that I'm spending too much time obsessing over one specific pair of shoes.
2) He accessorizes well. The awesome pink cover I bought so my baby doesn't get scratched looks awesome.
3) He's portable. Seriously I can take this boy anywhere and I don't have to worry that he's over in the corner, drinking beer and basically being anti-social.
4) He doesn't cheat. He's password protected, so no floozy is going to take my boy for a spin.
5) Great Memory. I don't have to keep reminding him of all the little things about me: my favorite color, movie, memory, book, etc. He remembers everything!

Snark

2009-01-22T10:35:00.004-06:00

Snark
I just happened to pick up this book on Sunday at Borders...I was pleasantly surprised to see this review today!

This is essentially a book review, but it is a great social commentary on where sarcasm/snarkiness has taken an ugly turn. True sarcasm gets to the point without ever harming the subject, however the current and most popular use of sarcasm is used with malice and bitterness. Wit and sarcasm in a true sense is a very rare thing these days. Pseudo intellectuals using "sarcasm" to mask true feelings of hate, bigotry, insecurity and jealousy is all the rage these day. I find those who use sarcasm as a mask of insecurity and malice to be in need of a verbal bitch slap...and well, this book is pretty damn close it.

It's unfortunate that I know someone who uses this technique to try and cut others to the quick. It's unfortunate because she is so deeply involved and immersed in a close group of friends. It's unfortunate because I don't think she realizes how it makes her look to others. It's unfortunate because she's never realized the loss of friends and family is due to her use of snark. It's ugly, it's damaging and ultimately it's just plain rude!

Fireside

2009-01-13T14:05:00.002-06:00

I have a date by the fireside tonight. What makes this date so blog worthy, is that I have never had a date that said, "Hey, it's going to be cold outside tonight, want to order in Chinese and watch a movie by the fireplace?" I mean sure, I've had dates that ended up by the fireplace, but never one where the fireplace was actually planned beforehand, at least that I'm aware of. The pre-planning aspect of all this is very much like buying the super-duper large box of condoms at Costco before the first date.

Don't mistake me, because it's really quite cute and with the temperatures in the single digits right now, I'm all looking forward to getting snuggled up next to the fireplace and watching a movie and eating take-out Chinese. Who knows, maybe he also made a Costco run today.

This must be where I always go wrong.

2009-01-06T09:13:00.003-06:00

I've never been good at handling that "first phone call" from a new guy. You know, you give your number to someone you meet out and about, they call, you chat and then you decide to meet up. Usually, the meet up is where things go wrong and you decide whether or not you want to continue seeing this person. This is how it's supposed to go right?

I'm usually a little stunted in my speech and cautious on the first phone calls because I have a strange sense of humor and if you don't know me, then well you'll never get it over a phone call, so therefore I remain casual and maybe a little aloof. Last night however was not the case.

After work I went home, changed into my gym clothes, hit the gym and then came back home to watch the Texas game. I was lounging on the couch and promptly fell into a deep sleep. The only reason I knew I had fallen asleep was due to the ringing phone and the fact that the game I'd been looking forward to was nearly half over. I glanced at the number, realized it was a Chicago area code and answered. Now mind you I was still half-asleep and I started to talk to the person on the other line. It took me nearly 5 minutes of babbling, a brief history of polygamy and not really understanding the conversation before I realized it was the guy I had met on New Year's Eve! I stopped him mid-conversation, told him the situation: that I had fallen asleep, been awakened by the phone and only now was I realizing who he was. He laughed and I asked him if he would be cool with starting the whole conversation over again. To which he replied, "Ring, ring." I answered, "Hello?" and the conversation went along beautifully after that. He even asked me out, which hopefully means he understands my sense of humor, because I was laughing and giggling the entire time.

I guess the next test is the first date, which is actually tonight so we'll see. Hopefully my spastic behavior can stay in check, and I really need an answer as to why we were discussing polygamy.

Crazy Season

2008-12-24T08:54:00.002-06:00

It has been so nuts around here I haven't had time to think let alone put my thoughts into actual words and some sort of cohesion!

I wanted to wish everybody a Happy Holidays and a very Merry New Year! I'll be getting Merry with my friends and enjoying the holidays here in Chicago and it's very strange for me to be away from my family and I know they feel the same. This year I just couldn't find the enthusiasm to go "home" to Utah for the season. Many things have changed there and Chicago now feels like home, except without the presence of my mom and sister.

In a surprise twist that I'm sure my mother and sister are still shaking their heads about is the fact that I'm actually cooking for the holiday! That's right, the girl that doesn't even like to bother making toast is cooking: ham, roast and funeral potatoes for friends on Christmas day. Of course this is also the girl that does not own a kitchen table or enough chairs and plates for everybody, but we'll make do.

Cheers to all, be careful of all that eggnog, it adds pounds faster than fruitcake. Watch out for flying reindeer, those hooves are sharp as fuck. Don't sit on Santa's lap, because let's face it, after 8 years-old it's downright creepy!

Holiday Mood!

2008-12-11T08:12:00.006-06:00

One could argue that without children, Christmas just isn't anything speical these days. I'm one of those "singles" out there, that enjoys the holidays with friends and family and various activities designed strictly for the adult crowd. This last weekend my friends and I participated in a Twelve Bars of Christmas dressed in our holiday finest and proceeded to drink and "crawl" our way through Chicago.

A few years ago, I convinced some Salt Lake friends to participate in a Santa Pub Crawl. I made some costumes and we joined a group of revelers and hit the town. Throughout the years it proceeded with more friends, crazier costumes and culminated last year in me convincing a huge group of friends to create our own crawl. This year I was very happy to discover Chicago does a multitude of crawls, "Ugliest Holiday Sweater" "Santa Con" "TBOX" and the "Twelve Bars of Christmas". I had no problem convincing my girls here to let me make some costumes and join the crawl.

We started at 3pm on Saturday and by the time we had covered ten of the twelve bars on the list, returned to meet up with some guys we'd met earlier at another bar and finally make my way home it was 3am! I find that I am getting better at sustained drinking, limiting myself to one drink per hour and then finally cutting myself off about 10pm. I met some new friends and had a blast with old friends. Our costumes were a total success and we've decided to do another crawl on the 20th. Got to keep that holiday spirit going!

Behold I give you our Santa Pub Crawl:

Five Reasons.....

2008-12-04T15:32:00.002-06:00

Five reasons why I won't be able to shop for a new Holiday cocktail dress this weekend:

1) It's cold outside.

2) It's the Kris Kringle Crawl on Saturday, which means all day drinking and crawling (bar crawl, not on my actual knees)! Oh and The Professor's B-day celebration that night. Hopefully she won't mind if I stop by dressed in red velvet and white fur, already sufficiently liquored up enough to be friendly to everybody. Repeat after me - I drink to be friendly.

3) It's REALLY COLD outside!

4) Sunday Funday is already booked and when brunch starts at noon, it's an all day drinking and football affair and there is absolutely no way I can have an opinion on a cocktail dress when I'm seeing double. I might end up buying a dress that makes me look like an extra for Pink Elephants on Parade.

5) It is FUCKING COLD OUTSIDE!

Ok, now that I have gotten that out of my system, I promise I will not whine about the cold anymore this year. However January and February of 2009 are not included in that deal. You have now been warned.

I Really Am Funny!

2008-12-03T16:29:00.002-06:00

Today I used the following expression "I was wandering the halls of my mind, but I was distracted by the clicking of my heels." Holy shit I have never had such a big laugh in my life! And it came from a table full of MBAs. - Total score!

Waxing Religious....for a brief moment.

2008-12-02T15:52:00.002-06:00

I just happened to read this article about the "War on Christmas" and then I read this one earlier from my hometown newspaper. The one question I have is when did all this happen? When did "we" start to perceive somebody's lack of saying "Merry Christmas" as anti-christian? I do remember all the to-do a few years ago about the official White House "Holiday" card not containing the word "Christmas" but when did it get to be such an issue? I always assumed that as a society we collectively became smarter, I guess I was wrong. It boggles my mind that people are setting battle lines based on this issue.

For one thing, there are many more faiths out there than just Christian, who celebrate a holiday in December; Hanukkah, Kwanza, Winter Solstice anybody? Not to mention the Hajj starts in Dec, there is also Eid-Ul-Adha and Al-Hijira...if you ask me the Muslims have this month down, just based on the number of recognized holidays!

Second, doesn't Santa say "Merry Christmas"? I mean isn't that his line right after Ho, Ho, Ho? And didn't the Christians wage a war on Santa a few years ago? If you really want to get technical, Santa has nothing to do whatsoever with the Christ is Christmas. Just saying!

Third, (and lastly) if you ask me the way most people celebrate Christmas has very little-to-nothing to do with what Christmas is really supposed to mean to Christians anyway. I understand the gift giving as symbolic of the Wise Men, but that's about it right? I'm pretty sure the Wise Men, if they were still around, wouldn't be sleeping outside a Wal-Mart on Thanksgiving, waiting to rush the doors at 5AM and trample to death a 28 year-old employee or stab an 18 year-old teenager to get the last $299 laptop!

If that's your idea of Christmas, then go ahead and say Merry Christmas all you want, I'll stay clear thanks.

My whole point is, if you say Merry Christmas to me and I say, "Thanks, Happy Holidays to you!" Please don't be offended, let me have my holidays, all of them how I choose to have them. You are more than welcome to your idea of Christmas, whatever that may be, and I'll never judge you for it.

A Funny Feeling

2008-12-01T13:15:00.005-06:00

This morning I left the house without my phone and it wasn't until I was almost at my office that I realized it. The funny feeling was this - I feel like I've left my house wearing a flouncy dress and I have forgotten to put on underwear!

I realize most of us have attachments to our phones; they are the lifelines to our friends and family when we're out and about living our daily lives. But we've become so attached that when we forget them somewhere, they lose battery life, we leave them in a taxi or drop them in a gin and tonic, we feel naked. Hell you might as well cut off our left arm for all the good we're going to be that day without our phone. It's the idea that while I'm without my phone, an important call may just come in and I won't be around to get it!

On the other hand it's also slightly liberating and mildly exciting...like having a good stiff wind blow right up your dress, sans the underwear.

Mutants!

2008-11-26T12:04:00.001-06:00

Has anybody seen this:

http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/11/25/1688782.aspx

My only question is - with all the mutations happening around the world, mostly in third world countries, when are we going to finally develop mutations like the X-Men? I'm really looking forward to changing weather patterns like Storm, because it's way too cold for my tastes right now.

Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving!

Neglected!

2008-11-24T08:57:00.002-06:00

Sorry guys, I have been busy in the real world and I have completely neglected to inform you all of my recent misdeeds! Most likely because there haven't been any!

Since it's turned cold, very cold here in the Windy City I've taken to hibernating and working on Santa Crawl costumes. I've taken on eight costumes this year and I'm now down to 10 days to finish them, which is plenty of time because I actually have friends who sew helping out this year. However, it means I have red velvet, green velvet and bits of white fur all over my house! The best part about the Santa Crawl...is cleaning my house afterward.

This Thanksgiving week, and I have now been craving turkey for over a week...I'm definitely looking forward to turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, rolls, pumpkin cheesecake and as much alcohol allowed by law. Oh and two days off this week!

A Weekend of Fools Revisited

2008-11-18T09:15:00.003-06:00

This past weekend I sort of felt like I was living in the Christmas Story, being visited by idiots and fools from the past, present and hopefully NOT future.

PAST - Does anybody remember this guy? After a much talked about a weekend of celebrating, Sunday was supposed to be a slight recovery day, what it ended up being was a rowdy day at McGee's watching football, drinking way too many ____bombs (you fill in the blank; O, Cherry, Grape, Car, Jager) so I was high on Red Bull, dancing around (basically hopping) to burn off all the caffeine and then running into the douche bag from summer. You remember, the guy who met me and then proceeded to call me 9 times between the hours of 2 and 3 AM! I was on my way outside to grab a nicci fit and he followed me, asked if he could bum a cig and when I said I had only one he said, "That's OK, I'll just share yours." Umm, excuse me, we met briefly four months ago, you called me 9 times in a most unpleasant manner, never called back (thankfully) and then you assume I'm going to let you share my last cig? (I ask you Internet - do I look like "Fool" is it tattooed on my head in ink that everybody else can read but me?) So I said no to the last cig and sharing (ewwwww!) and he proceeds to hang around and ask if I remember him. Which I reply, "Yes, but I was just about to the point of forgetting you, so gee, thanks a lot for being here to remind me!"

PRESENT - Saturday was Jen-9's bday party and it was a smash success, however I was inundated with drunken fools...one of which was actually me! There are two guys here in Chi that have made a point of trying to "connect" with me. When I say "connect" I do mean in the puzzle piece sort of way if you get my meaning, but I'm just not into either one of them. One has a history of getting drunk way too often, then texting inappropriate messages to not only yours truly, but to a couple other ladies I know, the other one I'm just not into. So anyway, I still see them all the time, but Saturday was especially interesting. Both of them made a point of breaking into my conversations, requesting permission from friends to ask if they could have a moment with me, and both of them basically trying to get me to go home with them. I'll combine both conversations into one for you - "Wow, Doni I think you're awesome, let's go fuck!" Yeah, that's about it!

FUTURE - OK, on the crush front, there is nothing new to report here...unfortunately.

When Compliments are NOT!

2008-11-14T10:05:00.004-06:00

Last night I met my friend Jill for drinks and appetizers at Tilli's. It's a great little place on Halsted and it has a cozy feel even though the whole place is quite large. There is a rectangular bar right up front, with three cute bartenders caged like rowdy dogs ready to lick you to death if you'd just let them out of the cage. They're cute, friendly, sassy and apparently speak a multitude of languages with the customers, one being drunken slurring I'm sure.

So I arrived a few minute before Jill and took a seat at the bar on the corner, near the door, but also near a table of three attractive guys, figuring that proximity wins! There was definitely a higher guy to girl ratio in the place, so I figured my odds were good that I would at least have some interesting conversation with someone of the opposite sex before Jill arrived. (Remember I'm trying to find a crush close to home here) Jill arrived and we proceeded to have drinks and appetizers over the next three hours and not one of the guys even bothered to say anything to us. Which is actually quite surprising in Chicago, because usually you can't get through one drink without somebody either saying hi, bumping into you, (guyspeak for, "Hey you're kinda cute!") or offering to buy you a drink.

Jill and I were finishing our last drink, the Jets were finishing off the Patriots and then she gives me the "look", you know the one that says, "OMG, don't look now, but there is something heading our way!" and not in the good way. Sure enough, up comes drunk guy with red wine stained teeth and the most horrible laugh you've ever heard. He's sloshing his red wine everywhere, bumping into both of us and trying to get us to talk to his table of guys into not leaving and going someplace else. He proceeds to ask us annoying questions and we made some comment about the game, to which he replies, "You're Patriots fans? What are you bitch-ass-hos!" My immediate reaction was "Oh no you did not just call us that!" Which of course I voiced, to the purple-teethed-tottering-asshole, then his cute friend came over to smooth things over because I was obviously enraged. Then the asshole tries to tell me it's a term of endearment! I politely gave him a lesson on terms of endearment one uses with A) people you just met B) women you're hoping to impress and C) anybody you hope to converse with at any point in the future beyond the present moment where you're digging yourself a very big hole!

We of course left, but I hope I made an impression that no matter how drunk you are, if you're hoping to approach a woman in the bar, any term of endearment using the words; bitch, ass or ho is not appropriate.

Adventures in Facebook....part 3 I think

2008-11-11T10:37:00.002-06:00

So I did something totally silly and very unlike me last Friday. I saw a familiar face from years ago, make that twenty years ago and I decided to send him a little email on Facebook. Before I get into the present story, I'll give you a little back story.

In my small hometown of Brigham City, there are only two grocery stores, and for as long as I can remember it's always been that way. When I was in my early teen years, I developed a brutal crush on one of the cashiers/baggers at one of the stores who was four years my senior. Without ever saying a word, my mother knew and would make me go to the store, always picking the one my crush worked at, which was further away and more expensive, just so she could see me squirm. You know how mothers are! Being a small town I knew who he was and even after a two year absence (his not mine) I still had a crush at 17, but I figured the four year age difference back then would certainly have negated any mutual crushing! I saw glimpses of him for the next couple of years, then lost all contact. Then all of a sudden who pops up on Facebook? Yep, that's right, which is where our story begins.

So Friday I decided to send the guy a Facebook msg, just saying, "Hey, you probably don't remember me, but 20 years ago I had a major crush on you and well I just thought you might get a laugh out of that." How was I supposed to know he would respond with the following. "Oh yeah, I totally remember you and the crush was mutual!" (paraphrasing) Then we corresponded with different memories of each other throughout the years and lamenting why neither of us had ever asked the other out. When I got home from my SLC trip on Sunday I was catching up with e-mails when he buzzed me on Facebook and we spent the next hour reminiscing and being silly. Now my problem is I can't get him out of my head, old crushes die hard you know. Oh yeah and he lives on the other side of the country, oh and did I mention he's married with kids! Big No-No!

Needless to say I'm all a twitter and crushing again and I am going to channel that twitter-y-ness (word? didn't think so) to the big party for my friend jen-9 this weekend and I'm going to find a crush closer to home...oh yeah and NOT-MARRIED!

PIMP Mommy!

2008-11-10T09:49:00.004-06:00

In an effort to be more visual, I am going to make a late-year resolution and promise to post more pictures. Let's start with this:

Would anybody in the Great Salt Lake area care for an introduction to this guy?

Besides being one of my favorite people in the whole world and a BFF, he can cook, he is very kind and he knows how to have a good time. Did I mention he can cook!

On my recent trip home to SLC, I stayed at Tommy's amazing house, where he treated me like a queen, cooked for me; some amazing meals I might add, especially the one we had on Wednesday when the power kept going out, coming back on, then going right back out again.

There are a lot of people I miss being away from SLC, and Tommy is one of the people at the top of the list. He's promised to come visit me in a few weeks and I'm hoping this post will guilt trip him into actually making the trip here. It's the Kris Kringle Pub Crawl, which is not unlike the Santa Pub Crawls my friends and I have attended over the years and it sure would be nice to have an old friend to mix with the new ones, plus he has a kick ass elf costume I made for him!

Halloween

2008-11-07T10:11:00.003-06:00

I just wanted to post a picture of four particularly deadly women from SLC!

Given the chance these women will most decidedly kill you!

Deep Breath!

2008-11-05T11:22:00.002-06:00

There are not many words powerful enough to express how much I feel today. I am proud, excited, hopeful, ecstatic, jittery, nervous, inspired, awed and generally I can barely contain myself!

Obama inspires me, I want to be a better person whenever I hear him or see him! Isn't this what leaders are supposed to do? Inspire us to do great things, live better lives and aspire to greater heights?

Well, he's done it for me, sign me up Mr. President!

Voting, Schmoting

2008-11-04T14:40:00.002-06:00

OK, just kidding, I voted on the first day early voting was allowed in Illinois, so as far as I'm concerned this election needs to be OVER! I have enjoyed reading every one's blogs about voting and their Facebook status comments as well. Considering I knew I was going to be visiting a red state (one of the two reddest!) on election day, I made sure my little BLUE heart voted for my BLUE man in one of the BLUEst states in the USA!

So, I'm not going to blog about voting today. No sir, ladies and gentlemen, I give you this, proof positive that the world is quite possibly coming to a horrible and gaudy end!

http://tinyurl.com/5sfvlp

Enjoy and I'll say "you're welcome" in advance of the laughter and head shaking I know will be occurring once you read what I have bestowed upon you.

Cheers!

Ahhhh....home!/home?

2008-11-03T11:59:00.003-06:00

I think I've said this before that coming home to UT is weird, strange, stressful, etc. I will now add difficult and heart breaking to the growing list. Things are changing so rapidly in my friends' lives and my role in their lives is not the same as it was, yet I struggle so much with removing myself from that old role that it stresses me out and I have only myself to blame. It is difficult for me to make the decision to remove myself from their lives because for some I feel like I am abandoning them and others I think are better off for me being out of their day-to-day lives. I realize they live their own lives and certainly don't need me to make any decisions for them, but I've always been a sounding board for them. Do I now pick and choose who I still remain a shoulder to cry on or confidant or do I sever all close ties and risk abandoning those who still need/want me there? Can I become the long distance friend, am I really capable? I admit I am ultimately selfish and I truly want to be there with them and for them, but I don't want to give up my role in their lives, which is quite frankly very selfish of me. The big question is do they need me/want me anymore?

This weekend brought a lot of laughter, great reminiscing, wonderful reunions and a little drama...all of which was highly amusing. Old exes reared their ugly heads and tried to create drama, (which became a running joke throughout the evening, note: seek professional help!) old friends proved they are their lovely entertaining selves, good friends were there physically and emotionally when you needed them most and new friends never ceased to amaze and delight me.
My friends I love you so much and I will be here when you need me, but from now on, only when you need me.

Ummm

2008-10-29T12:14:00.003-05:00

FUCK! Let me start by saying I had typed this awesome post about how:

{It's Wednesday, Kel has the case of the fuck-its, Summer & Sarah went to a concert without me last night (yeah I know I live in Chicago, but that's not the point), I have no idea how I'm supposed to pack everything I need for my trip to SLC without getting dinged $80 for overweight luggage, I broke the zipper on my favorite pair of black boots this morning and these are the essential black boots I wear with everything in the winter and when I dropped them off at the shoe repair the lady said they wouldn't be ready until Friday and I leave on Friday which means I won't have the essential black boots in SLC and lastly I never found a Random Hot Guy for the Halloween Extravaganza in SLC.

Does anybody think Sarah would mind loaning me Rlo? Maybe Helmey can bring one of his single friends if he has any.}

And then my computer decided to have a case of the fuck-its and crashed! I've decided I need this day to be over, because apparently my computer thinks I'm already on vacation and the two applications I need to use are fighting both each other and me. This has taken all of the wit right out of me.

Sincerely,

Apparently on Vacation!

Lesson Learned

2008-10-27T09:10:00.003-05:00

Hey Internet, did you know it is practically impossible to write a post while your head is resting on the keyboard. Go ahead, try it! Sure you can type but when you finally find the strength to pick your head up, stop the world spinning and try to focus through blood-shot eyes at what you've "written" you'll know exactly what I mean.

I tried, a little too hard, to extend my weekend by participating in Sunday Funday. Now I say "participating" (I love using McCain air quotes, it makes me closer my friends) and I act like none of it was my idea thereby placing the blame on others, but you see, it was partly my idea.

After Saturday night's various antics, by the time I rallied on Sunday morning, OK early afternoon, OK late afternoon, the girls and I decided not to go to the haunted house. I will absolutely admit to being a major pussy when it comes to haunted houses, I am jumpy by nature and I hate being startled so I was very happy when the girls suggested, and I agreed, to bag that idea. We decided to do Sunday Funday at McGee's to grab something to eat, drink and be merry...we were very merry! Then we carried it over to Stanley's for more fun and more merriment. Unless you've seen Stanley's for yourself there is no way to accurately describe it, but it's always packed on Sundays for live band karaoke. So after imbibing more "merriment" and ogling the baby daddy - damn he's cute - I decided it was finally time to head home since it was technically Monday and I really hate Mondays. MG decided to share a cab with me and on our way out the door there was a small crowd gathered at the front and I realize that one of the guys is Chris Kirkpatrick from *Nsync - short little fella - so I snapped a photo with him and MG. By the time I made it home and stopped the room from spinning I'm pretty sure it was at least 1am.

So here I am now, it's early in the morning, I'm trying to write this post, my stomach is queasy and I have yet to get ready for work. The alarm and the cat conspired together to get my ass out of bed, so I'm sitting on the couch, it's still dark outside, the cat is curled up next to me and I'm trying not to puke my guts out all over my laptop! I will make it to work on time, I will be very glad when I get to leave work early and I will be very happy to get my hair done this afternoon and believe me I will be super happy when I can just go home, lay down and die!

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World

2008-10-23T15:44:00.002-05:00

Have any of you seen this?

Seriously, I can't imagine being mad enough at anybody in real life to kill them, let alone in a virtual world. I have previously read stories about people carrying on alternate lives in the virtual world; affairs, prostitution, drug-running and various other illicit activities.

For some reason this story just made me feel so sad for humanity! If people are living their lives in virtual reality at the risk of incarceration and monetary fines in the real world, how great can the virtual world really be? I understand the feeling of being somebody else and the role playing that comes along with "Second Life" and the virtual world, but sacrificing your "real world" to play in the other world is just a sad commentary on the world today.

I've said my peace, thank you very much!

Job Creation

2008-10-21T08:33:00.003-05:00

I would love the ability to give away my cold. This is nothing new of course, I know everybody who has ever had a cold has thought the same thing. Get rid of the sinus pressure, the sore throat, the constant back and forth between stuff and runny nose and the, OMG I think I just coughed up a lung cough. Why not give it away to somebody who would love to spend a few days in bed and eat chicken soup?

Instead of spending billions of dollars on cold remedies, we should fund research on how to "transfer" our common colds to hypochondriacs! Seriously,it would cut down the amount of loss productivity and I think you would spawn a whole new industry of professional "sickies". Hypochondriacs think they're sick all the time anyway, why not have a verifiable illness and get paid for it. They could set rates and charge by the day. How much would you pay to give your cold away?

Right now, I'd give half my savings account to make this sinus pressure leave for good.

Little Black Box

2008-10-20T13:58:00.003-05:00

Friday - home sick, did none of you read my chemically induced blog?

Saturday - Umm, home sick again, except for the short foray to MG's building to check on douche -baggy temporary roommate....UGH, just the thought of him gives me the creeps!

Sunday - Brunch with MyraG - who will henceforth be known as "The Professor". We all met up at a friends house for brunch, which consisted of tons of food, Bloody Marys and Mimosas! Interestingly enough, on my way to brunch, I learned a funny thing about Illinois, you cannot buy liquor at a liquor store on Sunday before 11AM. Now coming from Utah, this is not all that new, but what's funny about it is you can order it at a bar/restaurant before 11AM, but not at a liquor store. Is it just me or is that weird to any of you? Anyway, we had tons of food, good drink and absolutely amazing conversation! Besides the Prof, there was Natalie, Scott, Mark, Alan and Sarah (hopefully I just remembered that right). We talked about all the taboos - Sex, Religion and Politics, my three favorite subjects! Which brings me to my subject.

A few years ago my friend KW (Should I use Sadie? Up to you KW, you just let me know, since I know you read this.) mentioned having a box that contained things from her life/past. Should anything ever happen to her, she had a friend who was designated to come and "take care" of that box. I loved this idea! Since that discussion, I have since compiled all the things in my life that I can't bear to throw away, yet I would hate for either my mother or sister to deal with should I pass on without a significant other. It contains, some pictures, some letters and some "others". I love having this box, it's fun to go through sometimes, and if there was somebody significant in my life, my box would not necessarily be off-limits to that person, but it would definitely need explaining. The funny thing about this box, is not what's in it, but the memories I get from seeing the items in it. The explanations would never mean the same thing to someone who wasn't there to share in the original moment. Everytime I think about what is in this box, it reminds me of the saying "Never judge a person 'til you've walked a mile in their shoes."

Strange but true!

Highly Medicated

2008-10-17T19:07:00.003-05:00

I have decided that red wine does indeed go very well with cold-medicine!

I will hopefully refrain from doing the following acts while high on the afore mentioned substances:

Stripping naked and running through the streets of Boystown in Chicago, because a) it's fucking cold outside and b) it's "boystown" nobody would care and it's almost a guarantee I won't get any offers, so why bother.

Calling/Texting old lovers - I think I already mentioned they are dead and stashed in my closet, hiding the batteries from my biological clock... so no worries there.

Blogging, using such silly words as "va-jay-jay" "abso-fucking-lutely" and "joe-the-plumber" oops, wait a minute I just did! Sorry!

Cranking the stereo and playing Katy Perry so loud it prompts my neighbor to call the authorities, who inevitably will find that I am high, will somehow assume it's illegal contraband, arrest me and thereby assure me a trip to the police station where I will then be required to a) strip naked and submit to a cavity search (OUCH!) and b) take a really horrendous mug shot, which will end up on Perez Hilton...oh wait I'm not a celebrity so no worries there.

OK, Internet, this is my promise to you. I will stay in my apartment, watch Made of Honor and behave myself! If you catch me doing any of the above, except for the blogging thing cause I fucked up there already, you have my permission to call the authorities. which will then of course ultimately make me do the last one and then we have a vicious circle!

Facebook Freak-Out

2008-10-14T13:25:00.003-05:00

I may have to take a break from the "Face". It's beginning to freak me out that people from my past are now showing up with alarming frequency and that little e-mail from Facebook that starts - "So-and-So has added you as a friend" is starting to make me wince.

I still love it, the "Face" that is, don't get me wrong, it's just that some folks from my past that I hardly knew are adding me as friends. It's mostly the high-school thing that's giving me fits. I start to think, if I were still in high-school, and I was the person now that I was then, and they were the people now, they were then, we'd never be "Facebook Friends". I realize we're all grown up and we're adults and all that, but that itty-bitty, tiny little piece of insecurity, still hanging on by her finger tips, is having a MAJOR FUCKING FREAK-OUT! Think of it this way, they're looking through my photos and reading my "wall" and my "info" and maybe even my blog! The people I knew in high-school, that I considered friends, this of course doesn't bother me in the slightest, in fact I have given them the link to this blog. It's the "others", you know the cool kids who wouldn't let you play with them (disclaimer - I was totally not a cool kid, I was a jock).

Recently one of my friends from high-school said these exact words to me "Wow, you've changed a lot since high-school." I had two thoughts - DUH! and You bet your sweet ass I've changed, because I couldn't have made it through life as the person I was then. And so far I have been joyfully surprised by some of the people from my past and I smile whenever they pop-up, especially when they send you drinks on Facebook. But I still wonder what they think when they see the pictures and perhaps read my stories. Some have actually commented on photos and I get a little weirded out. It's the hazard of living part of your life in the cyber world, open to the public and all that.

I will get over it, I will...I just may need to find a Chemist who could create some Facebook Prozac, that little blue pill that won't make me cringe just a little when another person from my past pops up.

Baby Mama!

2008-10-13T11:16:00.007-05:00

My one fear of heading home to SLC in a few weeks for a visit is the pure fact that pregnancy is contagious in Utah! I have two friends who are currently pregnant, one of which is my VeryBFF's girlfriend, who is also a BFF! <--See how we keep it all in the family! I swear it's something in the water in SLC, I think instead of fluoride they put in fertility drugs to keep the population boom humming right along. You all remember that report a few months back about drugs in the municipal water system...yep, in Utah they were fertility drugs! OK, just kidding, it was Prozac, and we all know how Utah loves its Prozac.

Lately, it seems pregnancy and ticking clocks comes up a lot in conversation. Don't get me wrong, my clock has been dead for awhile now, because I purposefully hid the batteries under the skeletons and remains of past lovers in my closet! Wait aren't the skeletons the actual remains of past lovers anyway? Or are skeletons the ghosts of misdeeds and the remains are just that - freeze dried corpses left to rot and never be heard from again? (Hmm, will definitely have to ponder this one a bit)

I digress, as I am known to do, in the last month I have had no less than two attractive, fine specimens of the male half of the species ever so delicately (i.e., bluntly smack me across the face with a dead fish) ask me if I would consider having a genetically superior child with them. This is nothing new of course because I am tall and athletic, survival of the fittest and all, but it made me realize that if the human species suddenly digressed back into animalistic behavior and caveman tactics, where procreation and coupling were based on physical prowess and athletic characteristics...then I'd be an alpha female and have one very worked over vagina!

Walk of Shame

2008-10-10T08:46:00.002-05:00

One of the more mundane things I do every morning is walk the one and a half blocks to catch the bus every morning Monday thru Friday. It's usually a very quiet walk through the neighborhood, you see other commuters, people walking dogs and others out for a run. This morning however, I saw something that kept me smiling all the way home.

I was just a few buildings away from my apartment when I saw a girl exiting a taxi. She was very disheveled, wearing skinny jeans, 5 inch strappy stilettos with the straps undone, puffy fur coat only half-way on, layered shirts that were riding half-way up her muffin-top midriff and dragging a small purse. I knew I had to watch this all from behind. I slowed up just a bit so I could watch this catastrophe unfold.

As the girl slammed the taxi door, she toppled over into the wet grass. I helped her up and that is when I noticed her face. She definitely had the OMG-what-did-I-do-last-night make-up thing going on. Mascara and thick black eye-liner smudged all over her eyes, traces of lipstick around her mouth and the tell-tale sign of whisker burn. It was all I could do not to laugh. I picked up her purse handed it to her and grabbed my own purse as she stumbled her way up the sidewalk. As I passed by her building, with her standing in front, I could see she was pushing every button on the intercom panel. I'm assuming either she lost her key, forgot her key, forgot where she lived, was visiting from out of town or maybe that wasn't even her apartment building. The last thing I heard before I turned the corner to catch the bus was "Let me in you bitch, I have to pee?"

I couldn't make this story up if I was trying! It must be a Friday. Just one more reason I love walking in this city. You don't get to witness such human comedy when you drive all the time.

I'm High!

2008-10-09T11:18:00.005-05:00

I am having a major rush of endorphins due to the lovely, beautiful, glorious, abundant sunshine streaming through the office windows today!

I have been quite down lately due to the copious amounts of rain we've had lately. Instead of a lovely pair of fall weather chocolate brown suede boots, I had to buy my first pair of rubber rain boots - EVER! Seriously, I was so despondent I cried into my keyboard! OK, not really, but I felt like it. I miss the fall weather in Utah, the trees changing, the crisp nights and the lingering warmth during the day....ahhhhhhh! Instead, I spent a good amount of time on Tuesday night on the Internet searching for cute rubber rain boots! Oh, let me add in size 11! Hey, just because I'm a giant, doesn't mean I should have to be forced to wear ugly rubbers!

I seriously don't know how people in the Pacific Northwest deal with this! It's no wonder it's the home of grunge rock...it's fucking depressing! I do agree the country is gorgeous...as long as you see it on one of the three sunny days of the year!

All that whining aside, I'm going to enjoy these two days of sunshine, because the rain comes again on Saturday. I guess it will be a good excuse to stay home, sew my Halloween costume and give the abode a thorough cleaning.

*Update: When I receive my boots in the mail, I promise to take a picture of me wearing them, in the rain...which should probably be this weekend, if I'm not curled up in the fetal position on the floor!

Strange Bus Folk

2008-10-07T20:26:00.002-05:00

On my way to volleyball tonight, there was a woman sitting in the front and she had multiple rings on every finger, including her thumbs. Make that a ton of rings, a gaggle of rings, a flock of rings, I mean HOLY SHIT every centimeter (that's for my international readers) of her fingers and thumbs were covered by rings. If I were trying to hazard a guess I'd say she probably had about 8 rings on each finger. Uh huh, you do the math, that's 80 fucking rings! Not just bands either, these fuckers had stones and gems in them.

Some questions running through my head:

How does she keep the rings at the tips of her fingers from falling off?

How does she pick anything up?

Does she lose some of them and never know it?

How long does it take her to put them on?

Can she even bend her fingers?

Does she have to remove them all to wipe? - this question of course leads to other more graphic questions which I shudder to even imagine.

Next!

2008-10-07T08:55:00.003-05:00

The Sox and the Cubs are now done for the season, I'm not a basketball fan, so it looks like I'll be turning my attention to da' Bears! I admit I have been watching a few games, only when it's scheduled by somebody else and there is alcohol involved.

Except for baseball and volleyball, I'm just not into watching sports. I'm a participator not a spectator when it comes to sports. Most women understand this, unless we have a favorite team or a significant other who watches sports ad nauseum, then we'd rather be doing just about anything else besides sitting on the couch watching men sweat, hit, grunt, push, pull, shove, run, jump, roll, drive, and dribble their way to victory. This is why I need alcohol to get through it all.

If it weren't for my Chicago girls and their love of football, friends, food and gatherings, I'd be spending every Sunday for the next three months doing something productive. I guess it's not called Sunday Funday for nothing.

Duh!

2008-10-06T08:59:00.003-05:00

You know that feeling you have when you've finally figured something out and you're all, "Oh yeah, you can't fool me, I'm on to you!" and then it all changes. Like a gust of wind just came out of nowhere and blew the shit out of your house of cards?

Oh yeah, you know what I'm saying.

After 34 years on this earth, and nearly half of that dating boys/men...OK boys, I thought I had it figured out. Boys are simple creatures and women are complex, it comes from being put on a pedestal all of our lives. Boys are raised to be simple creatures, this in no way whatsoever means they're dumb, it just means they don't get caught up in drama and nonsense, the way we women can sometimes...OK a lot of times. So you'd think meeting a guy would be a simple task right? You meet, you exchange numbers, you chat, you go out and you either decide to go out again or you don't. Pretty simple.

At this point you might be wondering where I'm heading, I'll get to the point. Over the summer I have met quite a few guys and they all ask for your number, and if they're not texting you right away that night, then you never hear from them at all. Seriously, what gives with that shit? Then my friend TBills was telling me how this Chicago things goes, you meet all sorts of people during the summer and then the guys get around to calling you in the winter. Apparently it's the "cooking-for-one "dating routine. When you're cooking for one it can get pretty expensive, so you cook a lot of food and then freeze the leftovers for later. Guys gather numbers during the summer when it's hot and the girls are out and abundant, but there are just too many to settle down with one for the summer, so they stockpile numbers. When it starts turning cold, they give you a call and see if you want to "hang-out".

I received two such calls yesterday! While I was at the Sox game with my friend Jennine and two of her guy friends, I received a text from one of the guys I met very early in the summer and haven't seen nor heard from since and last night just as I was about to go to bed I received an actual call from another. Now, I have a pretty good memory, I remember faces, names, dates, places and numbers. But for the life of me I could not remember either of these guys! I had to text the first guy and ask who he was, which he responded and I promptly decided that I didn't need to reply. The phone call was awkward because I had to fake my way through it until I could finally figure it all out and I'm not very good at faking it. So, if I have a pretty good memory and I can't remember you, how in the hell do you remember me?

Personally I think all the boys in Chicago are stockpiling a bunch of numbers in a big giant freezer somewhere in the city and when it gets cold they just go to the freezer, pull out a number and give it a try! Now it all makes sense to me, like that same gust of wind reversed course and just blew my house of cards back to upright!

Rock & A Hard Place

2008-10-03T10:49:00.002-05:00

The current playoff season of MLB has put me in between a rock and a hard place. Unfortunately not a two carat diamond ring and a stunningly beautiful, hard-bodied guy, get it rock, hard place...OK, forget it, just trying to be funny today.

Anyway, since I was not born and raised in Chicago I don't have any life-long ties to either the Cubbies or the White Sox. I live a few blocks away from Wrigley Field, that's about the closest I come to any sort of loyalty to either team. However, since they're both in the playoffs, and both doing poorly I might add the Cubbies are down two games to the Dodgers and the Sox are down one game to Tampa Bay, I feel I have to choose a side. The reason this is a dilemma is because should both of them make it through this series, and then both of them make it through the next series (big IF) who do I cheer for? I can cheer both teams equally unless it becomes an "El" series or "Crosstown Classic" if you will. Then and only then must I choose sides.

I've narrowed down my reasoning for picking one team over the other to two factors: fashion or superstition.

THE CURSE - for any of you who follow baseball, you know this is the 100th year of the Billy Goat Curse. The famous curse brought upon the Cubs because they would not allow a man to bring his goat to Cubs games - totally cliff noting the whole story for you. If the Cubs make the World Series I should cheer for them, because then we could move beyond this curse. The Red Sox did it a few years ago, they broke their curse finally and now the Cubs need to just move beyond all this nonsense. It would be great for them to win, because I could say that I saw the cubs in Wrigley Field the year they won the title and broke the curse. It's a moment in baseball, it's a Chicago thing, it's part of living in Chicago.

Fashion - I look better in black and white than I do in blue. Blue is just not my color. Black and white is clean, slick and it goes with everything. Pretty simple reason actually.

I think I choose fashion. Besides my Sox t-shirt has rhinestones on it, shiny pretty rhinestones! Makes me girlie just talking about it.

So, hear this, if the White Sox and the Cubs end up in an "El" series I will be cheering my little heart out for those southside boys!

Total Disappointment

2008-10-02T08:49:00.004-05:00

I have never, ever been truly disgusted with Congress until this morning. When I awoke and turned on the morning news show I watch, the hosts were giving a rundown of the "Bailout Bill" that passed the Senate last night. Guess what? They had to add "sweeteners" to get the new bill to pass.

Here are just a few of the add-ons:
Tax breaks for wool research - umm, shouldn't we leave this up to the Scottish, they're much better with wool then we are, plus they have way more sheep than we do, it's a culture there. Seriously, how man sheep herders do you know out there. Yeah, I thought so.

Tax breaks for kids wooden arrows - hmm, me thinks the NRA is behind this one somehow. Even if they aren't, I'm going to blame them.

Tax breaks for race tracks - are you fucking kidding me! Like we need more NASCAR wannabes out there, don't get me wrong, I do watch NASCAR sometimes, usually when I'm in Vegas with the boys and putting down a bet. But seriously, it's guys and a few women turning left all day long. It's the epitome of a guy/woman who is lost and won't stop to ask directions. Plus it's a shit-ton of asphalt, removing open-space and we are encouraging MORE burning of fossil fuels and adding to Global Warming.

Tax breaks for rum producers in Puerto Rico & the U.S. Virgin Islands - OK, since I've been to PR and USVI, I could almost agree with this, but I'm not a rum fan and I'm pretty sure they're not hurting for money. How about a tax break on my favorite US distilled bourbon huh? I'm tired of paying almost $40 for a bottle.

OK, now that all my steam is gone, the majority of the tax breaks that were put into the "Bailout Bill" are actually worthy, but they should NOT be in this bill. It taints the idea of helping main street. It dirties the waters of economic reform. It reminds the constituency that it will always be business-as-usual in Washington.

Utterly disappointed today, I need some cheering up, maybe bourbon for lunch would do the trick.

Costumery

2008-10-01T08:30:00.004-05:00

I love Halloween! I haven't always loved Halloween, but I do now. It's the perfect time of year to behave in a manner you wouldn't normally behave the rest of the year, women get to dress like sluts and get away with it, guys can don new identities and play super heroes and kids get candy for free. Don't get me wrong, I realize that Halloween is "supposed" to be for kids, but if you look at the history of Halloween you'd see that it was always adult oriented, until Hershey got hold of it - OK kidding about the Hershey remark or am I?

Halloween is a true pagan holiday that has not morphed into a Christian holiday and I love it simply for that fact! Then I get to add in my mad costuming skills and it gets better! Through the years, my design and sewing skills have definitely improved and since I started making costumes I have held firm to one principle - Never wear the same costume twice! That being said, I have a crazy costume closet. Through the years I have been, Yvette from Clue, a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, a Vampire, a Witch, a Musketeer and a host of others. This year I'm torn between Little Dead Riding Hood or a Goth Ragdoll. Either way I'll be wearing the black corset I wore at Burning Man, and I promise to post pictures when I figure out which one I'm going to do.

The great thing about this year for Halloween; I'll be celebrating the week before in Chicago with two parties, one at Bon V and a private party downtown, then flying to SLC on October 31st and partying with the friends at Chippy's place! I can guarantee two things for SLC 1) TA will dress up as some obnoxious male character (Vic Binnion, Cletus, Brew Crew or possibly Coco) and take that opportunity to molest unsuspecting females and 2) Ed and Janice will have some sort of fabulous couples costume.

Since today is the 1st of October, my deadline is fast approaching, be prepared for a lot of whining!

**UPDATE**
Ok, just found out via e-mail from the host; the SLC party is being hosted by couples. COUPLES! FUCK ME! I asked the host if there was going to be a sequestered spot where all singles will be banished, because dammit I need to plan appropriately for my costumery! I figure there are two places for the singles to remain out of sight (because you know how couples hate seeing singles having fun, it reminds them they're only allowed to sleep with the one they brought to the party) 1) the low-ceilinged basement is not good for the platform black boots that may become part of my costume or 2) the scary garage loft that is not conducive to any sort of heel and it's cold which means I would need a coat at all times and then nobody would see my awesome costumery!

Bailouts!

2008-09-29T19:14:00.003-05:00

Prepare yourselves, I'm going to wax political, economical and poetic! Ok, I can't rhyme, so I'm going to wax political and economical.

For those of you who don't know, I work as a Registered Paraplanner for a small investment management firm. My job is very much like a paralegal to a lawyer, which means that I do a lot of economical research throughout the day. To back all that up, my degree is also in Economics from the University of Utah.

Today was a bad day on wall street, the worst one-day point loss in history! (Don't believe me, just look it up, there are plenty of resources) It was down just less than 7% today. This is not good news. For the last few years I have been talking about the mortgage crisis, unethical lending and greedy behavior by banks looking for more money. Don't get me wrong, this absolutely does not let the borrowers off the hook. When hundreds of thousands of individuals took out loans, without knowing the terms, and never being 100% honest as to their ability to pay...WE all end up paying in the end. Eventually a bailout package will pass through congress, but I believe, along with many, MANY others, that this is a good thing, although I would always prefer not to have to do it.

In simple terms, the US Government is the only player big enough, with enough cash to buy up these assets. They are NOT worthless mortgages, they will just take time to pay off. In simple terms: you have a family who purchased a home during the rise in the real estate prices, they took out a 3 year ARM (adjustable rate mortgage), two years into their loan, the real estate prices started to fall, so now this family has a mortgage for more than their home is worth. Now comes the bad part, at the end of year 3 their ARM adjusts to a much higher rate, the value of the home has fallen and now the family cannot re-finance at a lower fixed-rate mortgage, and the family cannot afford the new "reset" mortgage payment. The bank cannot afford NOT to "reset" the mortgage, because they have leveraged the mortgage to buy other assets and now the bank needs the money. Two things can happen at this point: 1) The bank forecloses and sells the tangible asset, which means the family is out of their house and out of their equity. The bank gets some money, but they have to take a loss. 2) The government steps in, buys the mortgage, does not "reset" the mortgage and the family is allowed to stay in their home and hopefully pay it off in 30 years at 100% of the mortgage value.

Now, obviously scenario #1 does not bode well for the individual or the "Main Streeters", but if we allow the government to step in and buy the troubled mortgages for a discount (possibly $.50 on the dollar) then the individuals have a chance to pay back the mortgages. There is a bonus to this...the greedy banks get SCREWED!

Now anyone can read the various reasons why the bill did not pass today, and I'm sure some are right, but the Republicans AND Democrats who held their "yea" vote due to political reasons need to realize that they are responsible for todays historical loss! Apparently the Republicans need somebody to talk nicely to them.

I'm not saying this bill was perfect, but it might be the only shot we have in the short-term.

OK folks, there is my take. It's only mine, it is most certainly not the opinion of my employer, it most likely is not the main opinion of the man I will be voting for and not all of my friends would agree with me. It's just my humble, EDUCATED opinion.

Randomness

2008-09-26T09:05:00.006-05:00

Some topics that I would like to expand upon, alas it's Friday and I'm just too lazy.

I'm now International - Yep, Salt City Miss has two readers in the UK and Canada- woohoo! Don't know who they are personally, but HI GUYS!

Friends - My UT friends suck lately! OK, not really, I just wanted to see if they're really reading this. LOVE YOU!

Laundry - OMG, it's been piling up for two weeks, I absolutely need to do some wash, it just takes so much time!

Shoes - I have been neglecting my shoes far too often lately and I need to do some fall shoe shopping - it's totally on the schedule!

Social Life - Even without dating anyone special, I'm still doing a lot. Never fret my dears, I am not becoming a hermit!

Dating - OK, I have to clarify, since moving here full-time I have been on dates, but nobody really interesting, at least nobody that I would consider going out with again. That's just to clarify.

Economy - Since I deal with the economy and it's current situation daily for work, I will not bore you with my opinions, and they're educated opinions too!

Politics - Even though I haven't posted about politics at all thus far, let's just say socially I'm about as left as they come! Fiscally I'm to the left of the middle, so...Vote Obama! And let me just say this, when Obama/Biden wins, I'm going to change my name to Monica and see if I can get a job as an intern for Joe Biden! He's not quite Bill, but I love a smart guy and I'd totally show him my thong.

Weekend Plans - Kerryman tonight with the girls, Oktoberfest tomorrow with TBills and then Sunday Funday. I promise to watch my intake of mimosas and bloody marys, we all know where that got me last Sunday!

Cheers!

The New Sexuality - Asexuality

2008-09-25T11:10:00.002-05:00

I have decided that my vagina is broken or at least temporarily out of order!

The effort one must put into getting "some" is just too much for me. Waxing, shaving, working-out, cleaning the house (visitors), small-talk, primping, lingerie, etiquette and all those little things just add up to too much time and effort wasted on one person when I could just simply take care of it all by myself, is daunting to say the least.

Asexuality is a much better option for me at this point. I got to thinking why I was just not into "J", please don't ask me why I've wasted a lot of mental energy on this, I just have. He's attractive, seems to be smart and could possibly be a good friend, I'm just not into him, yet he is apparently into me. Except for the Demolition Man, who stood me up, I have spent nine months in Chicago and I have not met one other guy who interests me. At ALL! I think I have lost my sex-drive completely! This was a tragedy when I first thought about it, but now I think I may have unlocked a creative energy that I haven't had in quite awhile. I could totally be noble here and devote my new creative energy to say helping the sick, homeless, indigent, down-trodden and countless others, but I can't think of where I should devote my time.

Any ideas?

Why Oh Why?

2008-09-23T23:03:00.003-05:00

Why do I do this to myself? I decided to play on Sunday Funday, and well it turned out good and bad. Here in Chicago, Sunday Funday means you start at brunch in the late morning/early afternoon, there are mimosas, bloody marys and tons of food. You usually move from brunch in the later afternoon to either the beach in the summer, or a sports bar to watch whatever game is on during the other seasons. Seeing as how football just kicked off around here, and 'da Bears' first home game was Sunday, we started with brunch at Duffy's, took a break at Jennine's apartment for a bit and then continued our eating/drinking at Stanley's.

At some point in the afternoon/evening I started getting physical with "J". He's a friend of a friend and I don't really know too much about him and I think one too many mimosas in the early afternoon and too many Jack & Ginger's in the evening led to too much physical affection. Now I have "J" calling me and texting me and e-mailing me and I just want him to not be calling me and texting me and e-mailing me!

He's not unattractive or boorish or dim-witted or any of the other undesirable traits I usually attract, but I'm just not interested. Ugh, this is the part I hate; telling somebody you're just not interested, especially after making out at every opportunity a few nights before. I'm going to blame the dry-spell and call it good...oh and finally call "J" back.

I Need an Intervention

2008-09-22T14:42:00.002-05:00

This last weekend I was supposed to put a major dent in my bank account to do some much needed fall shopping. I had planned this trip to coincide with Linds' visit to the Windy City. Seeing as how she had to stay and take care of business, I decided to play with the WC friends instead and didn't do any shopping whatsoever! My problem now is that it is fall and I don't have any fall clothing to wear, or at least nothing in the awesome rich colors and plaids dominating the windows here on State Street. On Saturday I decided I could finally delve into the stash of awesome fabrics I have in my possession and finally do some sewing, which I haven't felt like doing since the BMan costume explosion. It would significantly reduce the amount of fabric storage in my apartment (bonus), it would save me tons of money (bigger bonus) and I could stretch a few design muscles (not such a big bonus, but still worthy).

Only now it's Monday, I'm in a blah mood and my materialistic other half is trying to back stab me and it wants to spend my money! I thought I had thoroughly convinced myself that saving the money was a good thing to do, because it meant that I could buy myself a new laptop before the end of the year, but apparently I'm trying to self-sabotage my own bank account.

I think sometimes I have dual-personalities; and one of those personalities is a reckless, materialistic, spender and the other is a miser! Are there specific therapists to deal with this sort of personality disorder? If not, will somebody help talk my materialistic side off the ledge?

One Door Closes...Another Bottle of Wine Gets Opened

2008-09-19T09:20:00.002-05:00

So my friend Linds was supposed to be here in Chicago with me this weekend. However, due to a major asshole of an employee, she had to cancel and stay in SLC, which was a real bummer when she had to call me and tell me. Luckily my SLC friends Dean & Tracy came to the rescue to help with my SLC addiction. They're in town for Dean's brother's b-day and they are here until Saturday. Yesterday they went to the marathon Cubs/Brewers game and sat in the bleacher seats at Wrigley Field, yours truly had to slave away in the office, but I met up with them at Socca later in the evening.

While at the game, D&T met one of the owners of Scocca, a restaurant near my apartment - Roger Dodger/Rog/Chef Extrordinaire/etc, besides being totally cute (short, but totally cute), he was the sweetest thing in the world! Through Bulleit bourbon, shots of Jameson, Socco&Lime, and a bottle of wine - Roger Dodger kept sending food from the kitchen! Lots of food! Tons of food...and it was OMG fabulous! What I can remember - squash ravioli, ceasar pizza, escargot, some sort of salad with bacon, egg, and fried slivers of onion rings - yummy. Then there was the best pork chop I've ever had, which Roger Dodger ever so lovingly created the perfect bite and fed it to me, then there was some sort of beef entree with shrimp that melted in my mouth! Between, D&T and their friend KV we shared everything, but it was so incredibly yummy, it now goes down in my book as one of my top nights in Chicago. I told Roger Dodger he was my new wet dream and I meant it.

It was great to spend time with D&T and actually get a chance to talk. Tracy and I completely forgot the boys and carried on our own conversation most of the night. So while I'm bummed Linds couldn't make it...I still managed to feed the SLC addiction and I added wine, ravioli, bourbon, pizza, porkchops.....

Old? Are you fucking kidding me?

2008-09-17T11:50:00.004-05:00

Since I've finally found some great volleyball players here in Chi, I've joined two co-ed teams for the fall indoor league. They're good, experienced and actually like to practice, which really consists of pick-up games at the Windy City Fieldhouse. It's been great to get back on the hardcourt, but let me tell you, my body is feeling it! My thirty-something body cannot play like my twenty-something body did.

During college, I remember the worst part of volleyball was three-a-days and how sore you'd get, but since you were young, you'd bounce right back and be in the swing of things in no time. You'd practice during the day, all day and then party at night. After this Sunday's practice, all I wanted to do was go home, take an advil and crash into bed. Three hours of hitting drills and then pick-up games and I was exhausted and every joint I had ached. Don't get me wrong, I don't get sore and achey from just normal activity, but high-intensity games for three hours will definitely make me hurt.

Anyway, during the pick-up games the majority of the players were in the young to mid twenties and they're good, but they're so young it's enviable. So at 7PM I finally called it quits and as I was leaving, one of the girls who had been playing on the other side of the net from me all night asked two things. In order: 1) How tall are you? (a: 6'0") and 2) How old are you? (a: 34), to which she replied - "OMG, you play really well for that old."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!

If my shoulder hadn't hurt I would have decked her! Good thing for her I'm old.

Burning Man part Deux

2008-09-16T08:35:00.005-05:00

As requested, here are a few additional photos with a few stories as well.

This is JV riding around in the dust storm, which hadn't actually picked up at this point.

I love these photos of Linds and Karen immersed in one of the art installations. It was a giant lit up jellyfish...or at least that's what it looked like to us.

Every year on Friday, there is something called the Critical Tits parade. Basically anybody who wants to join, can dress up their "girls" and ride in the parade. This year Amy & Karen joined the throng of others and the rest just watched.

This is Opulent Temple. Basically it's an outdoor nighclub with light shows, DJ's and caged dancers. On this night I would esimate there were at least five-thousand people in this location dancing.
The Sirens beckon you!

This is daytime at camp, or it could be early morning, but you never wear a watch so no real idea what time it is.
The Duck: The people who built this art car were part of a large group of people, all in matching rented RV's, pretty people with three art cars - one of which was covered in white fur and the inside was a converted bus with zebra print fur upholstery, disco light floor and a platform for dancing on top. I think this car finally hit the playa on Friday night because they were building it for two days after we arrived. There was a ramp on one side for getting on and one on the other side to get off. It had a great DJ and when we saw it on the playa we decided to get on. All of us got on, and then yours truly got kicked off! I used to like the duck, thought it was cool...now I think they're a bunch of assholes! I can totally carry a grudge like that.

This is Amy on night 2 (I think)This temple is a big thing at Burning Man, every year they build a large, beautiful shrine. People come here to let go of things, feelings, memories and people. There are large shrines laid at the temple and farewells that will break your heart. On Sunday night they burn the whole thing down. Unfortunately Karen lost her husband and our friend Scotty last year to cancer. She build a lovely shrine and placed it at the temple. JV and Linds at Root Society. AmyT on burn night in front of the pompous duck! And finally, we get to the burning of the man. The genesis can be read at Burning Man (dot) com, so I don't want to paraphrase and get anything wrong, but it's meaning has something different for everybody. Some say it represents "The Man" and others say it represents ideals. I won't go into what it means for me, other than to say it's a way of letting go. I am both fascinated and frightened of fire which makes me a pyrophobic and an pyromaniac, go figure. The burn starts with fireworks and then....
The Man goes up in a huge ball of fire.

On Saturday, the day we had the 10 hr dust storm, as mentioned in the previous post, this is why the fire conclave could not perform this year. Basically every year, fire troupes from all over the world perform before the lighting of the Man. They spin fire (poi), twirl fire, hula hoop with fire and do all sorts of things with fire. However, due to the possibility of wind gusts they could not perform this year and now you see why.

This photo was taken just as the giant structure of the man fell into a giant burning heap.

Much thanks to Linds for letting me lift your photos and show them to my readers! I'm so glad you snapped lots of photos.

Burning Man - As Promised

2008-09-15T10:16:00.031-05:00

For those of you unfamiliar with Burning Man and Black Rock City, it's hard to put into words. It is most definitely one of those things you have to see with your own eyes and sometimes it feels like a cop-out to say that, but it's true. Anybody who has ever been will tell you exactly the same thing. You can hear stories for years, but until you set foot on the playa and see it lit up at night there is no way to describe exactly what you're experiencing. So the best I can give you are pictures and words:

*Disclaimer - BM is a very free society, alcohol, chemicals and nudity are just a few of the common behaviors/occurrences on the playa. Please keep that in mind and try not to judge.

We started out on Tuesday night: 2 hrs behind schedule, but let me just say there were some of us ready to go on time and let me just say again, it's the same group that is always ready on time! The SLC group included, Trock Daddy, JV, Tommy, AmyT, Karen, Linds, Foxy, Simy and myself. We had decided to make the trek in two days and overnight in Elko. On Wednesday we met up with Dean and Tracy in Winnemucca and drove the rest of the way into Black Rock City, which is approximately 80 miles north of I-80, 60 miles west of Reno. We finally pulled into Burning Man about 5:30 after getting through the ticket line and the Greeter Station. All virgins (newbies to BM) must get out of the car, ring the bell and most likely make dust angels in the playa. We finally located our friends from Park City - Kelly, Mike, Cyn and Di and made camp, or at least as much as we could before night fell. We geared up and headed out to the playa at nightfall. The playa is always lit up with lights of all sorts: neon, el-wire and fire. There is music of all sorts, mostly the constant thump, thump, thump of house music. You see art cars of all sorts, most spewing fire, blaring music and trolling around the playa with dancers on top of the car. This is one of the amazing things about BM is the ingenuity and creativity that is everywhere, from the costumes to the cars, your creative is jolted and you are forced to open your eyes just a little bit wider to take it all in. Our group hit the playa and journeyed to the center where the man stood in it's neon pavilion. The theme this year was The American Dream and the man was lit with Red, White and Blue neon lights. All around the pavilion stood numerous arts projects connecting the Burner to the theme. We partied and danced and roamed and took-in the playa. This year the sand was very difficult to ride through, so we ended up covering a lot of ground on foot rather than on our bikes. It makes for a long night!

At this point I would love to give you a day by day rundown, but I can't remember day by day, so I will henceforth post some pictures and tell stories.

Coco! Coco is my nemesis! Coco is not a real woman you see, but the feminine alter-ego of Tommy. There are a few alter egos of Tommy, to name a few: Cletus, Coco, Tony, Vic Binnion, etc. Ladies and gentlemen - this is Coco.

Coco decided to come out and play when Tommy decided to take a break. She got all gussied up, put on her favorite aqua blue, short dress and decided she wanted some action. Then pouted like a scolded school girl caught kissing another girl in the bathroom, after nobody wanted to play. The SLC group toured, Karen and Linds walked the tightrope, Trock Daddy pushed his bike around all night, Foxy taunted Coco, JV held the group together and I felt, well let's just say I was feeling no pain!

The afternoon foray! - Notice how dirty the boots got, but believe me they were the best purchase I made for this trip....along with the pink & black corset!

The playa always looks different in the daytime. AmyT, Linds and I set out one afternoon to see the temple and other art structures, we donned our afternoon attire, including the bunny/cat ears, parasols and went exploring. Shade is a must, you take your own with you when you go!

One of my favorite reasons to attend BM is to stretch the ability of my costume designing skills. On the playa almost anything goes! Seriously! You can wear everything to nothing. I prefer the clubbing wardrobe. Since in my everyday world I am pretty much a suit, I try to break out, just a little at BM. Corsets, fur, satin and wigs!

Mike & Kelly in the 10 hr dust storm on Saturday. There was actually a question as to whether or not the Man would actually burn. Due to weather there was no Fire Conclave this year, which was a disappointment, but necessary due to the amount of pyrotechnics that were packed around the Man. During the afternoon, we huddled in Dean and Tracy's trailer and played board games, drank, ate and basically enjoyed the A/C - huge bonus! When you're out in the storms, the only thing you can do is wear protection and/or take cover. Protection includes: dust mask & goggles!

This is one of my favorite photos to come out of Burning Man this year! JV and Linds on our 2nd night (I think).

We were all in a group watching the various fire groups putting on shows and we were surrounded by 9 ft. propane torches, which lit the area around us like daylight. This picture was taken about mid-night and no flash.

These are the girls on Burn Night! LtoR: Linds, Me, AmyT & Karen.

In the back on the right is the Man burning. We were in the midst of 50,000 people and surrounded by art cars. Since this picture was taken with flash, you can see all the dust particles floating in the air. The playa dust is so fine and sticks to everything, as evidenced on our footwear.

And this is where our photo journey ends. I definitely have more stories and more pictures, all you have to do is ask...nicely!

Our parting shot!

LtoR: Simy, Me, Linds, JV, Foxy, AmyT, Karen, Tommy, TrockDaddy

* Update: Since at least one reader asked ever so sweetly for more pictures, I promise to steal some photos from Linds and post them tomorrow. Due to prior contracts of promised decorum (haha) I will not be posting nudity and/or compromising photos of anybody, other than myself...even then I won't be posting any nude photos of myself!

Meme

2008-09-14T12:05:00.007-05:00

I will thank the lovely Summer for this...but I refuse to tag anybody, mostly because my friends think I'm lame enough!

I am: a feline Amazon Goddess...according to some silly Scot
I think: religion is for shit!
I know: how to fix a flat, change the fluids in my car, make an evening gown and bring myself to orgasm - BTW, the last one is the most important.
I want: to go on a lingerie shopping spree
I have: way too much hair
I dislike: lies, lies, lies!
I miss: my SLC friends.
I fear: human spontaneous combustion.
I feel: frisky.
I hear: voices in my head...nope that's just the TV, this time.
I smell: COFFEE!
I crave: alone time.
I cry: very seldom, but always at odd moments when I do.
I usually: hit snooze at least 3 times in the morning.
I search: every morning for the matching shoe hidden in my closet somewhere.
I wonder: if Derek Jeter would heart me as much as I heart him.
I regret: nothing.
I love: meeting new, awesome people.
I care: about my family, my friends and my kitty cat...not necessarily in that order either.
I always: eat M&M's in even numbers. Weird I know, it's just one of my many quirks.
I worry: that I will be forgotten.
I am not: short or stupid.
I remember: how much it hurt when my father left.
I believe: "that children are our future." Ugh, I just threw up a little with that one! LOL
I sing: when I'm walking down the street, which usually leads to dance walking.
I don't always: floss. Sorry Dr. Jensen.
I argue: with my sister only.
I write: just to make sure my brain and my fingers can work together better than my brain and my mouth.
I win: scrabble, when I can spell "quint" on triple word score for 45 pts.
I lose: the matching shoe all the time when I don't return my shoes to their rightful place in the closet.
I wish: IT WOULD STOP FUCKING RAINING HERE!
I listen: to people when they don't know it.
I am talented: You bet your ass I'm talented, and many of those talents you will never know.
I can usually be found: lusting over Derek Jeter if the Yankees are playing.
I am scared: of footsteps in the dark.
I need: a pink single-speed bike, or find a cute boy around here to make one for me.
I forget: very little
I am happy: and I smile a lot too.

Chicago Quickie

2008-09-12T23:32:00.002-05:00

I received an unexpected surprise on Wednesday. My lovely friend Tamara called to say she was in Winnetka, a suburb of Chicago, and wanted to know if I wanted to get together on Friday. I happily said, "You bet your sweet pregnant ass!"

The three of us, Salt City Miss, Tamara and now my new friend Jessica who just moved here from SLC, just had a great evening out. We started at my friend Scotty's bar, Matisse, then proceeded to Blues Chicago, hands down the best blues club on the northside! Tonight they had Vance Kelly and the Nickel Candy Blues Band playing. I have always, ALWAYS been a Blues fan, and now I have a new fav.

Now I'm at home watching Ike pound Texas, while the leftover rain from Gustav is falling outside - kinda weird in a way.

Nighmare on Barry

2008-09-11T08:42:00.003-05:00

Scene opens -

Interior: apartment on Barry
Time: 4:26 AM
Characters: Salt City Miss, SCM's cat Bubba, SCM's Sister and MG's cat Milo
Setting: SCM asleep in bed with earplugs firmly embedded (sis is a major snorer), Bubba asleep on pillow, Sis screaming frantically from living room, Milo stalking Sis in living room.

I was rudely awakened at 4:26 this morning to my sister screaming frantically that Milo was stalking her, swiping at her and generally looking at her like she was breakfast. After she finally burst into my bedroom, startling me and Bubba, I somehow managed to get out of bed, gather up Milo, place him in time-out in his cage and stumble my way back to bed.

Let me just point out, Sis is older than me and obviously larger than Milo. Please explain to me why she felt the need to awaken me at 4:26 in the morning? Please explain to me why, if she knows I wear earplugs when she's staying with me, she thought calling my cell phone was a good idea, even though the living room is right next to my bedroom in a seriously not large apartment? Please explain to me why she couldn't just take care of this all by herself?

I need explanations otherwise I'm going to choke sis and Milo when I get home, because the rude interruption to my sleep this morning is seriously messing with my day!

I'm Bad, Oh So Bad!

2008-09-09T08:38:00.005-05:00

I am such a bad blogger, I mistreat and abuse all my loyal readers! Since returning to Chicago, I have been recovering from the head cold, entertaining my big sister, having drinks with CJ (which doesn't qualify as being bad, totally good on that one) and generally trying to get back into the work mode. I keep promising you all stories and photos of Burning Man, but you see I didn't take any photos at Burning Man! Yep, I did not once break out my camera and snap anything! I relied on all my shutterbug friends to do the dirty work. They did, I know they did, because I posed for a fucking lot of photos in all my silly costumes. However, they have yet to post any of said photos on Facebook so I can steal them and post them here for you all. *HINT HINT, HUGE FUCKING HINT HERE*

Even though I could tell you some stories, they're just words until you see the pictures to go with them. There is TA so shit faced, he went out in the famous Coco drag and thought he was actually going to get some action, then pouted mercilessly when he didn't, me in all my corset glory (still trying to breathe properly), AmyT in sparkling grandeur, Linds in feminine fabulousness (even though she was sick the entire trip - color me IMPRESSED!), and the Collin sisters in calculated, coordinated mischief!

I hereby promise to harass, harangue and basically annoy the hell out of my friends until I get those pictures.

For now, I'm just going to be bad! It's so much easier than being good.

FACEBOOK REVOLUTION!

2008-09-05T09:44:00.003-05:00

I was never a big fan of MySpace, it always seemed too cheesy to me, but I eventually started a profile and never really kept up with it for various reasons. I did however start a Facebook profile and it’s been a great tool to keep up with and re-connect with old friends. One of the best parts of this is finding old high-school friends. Recently I have found a few that I had always wondered where they ended up and what they were doing. I’ve been so happy to hear from them and know they were doing well. So far most of my friends from high school are now married with kids, not much of a surprise coming from Utah. Some have moved away from Utah and some have just moved away from our small town and they’re happy.

This morning I got a message on Facebook from a guy that I had the hugest crush on when I was 19. He was 23 and he had great hair, a killer smile, beautiful laugh, warm heart and happened to be dating Miss America, well not exactly Miss America, but she was runner-up (or top 10, can’t remember which now) to Miss Utah, which in my home state means you’re beautiful and can sing. My one biggest regret with him is that I never got to kiss him! I was just way too shy to make a move. Nowadays my mid-thirties self will look back on my teenage and early-twenties self and shake her head all the time, I was shy, insecure and so very naïve. Hell, I don’t even know what his feelings were toward me, even though we never went on a “date”, we did spend some time together and he turned me on to one of my favorite bands Live, and now is the time I wish I would have just asked how he felt or, horror of horrors actually asked him out. Fear of rejection at the time I suppose is my only answer. Now I say, “Screw rejection!” Hell I’ve dealt with rejection; I would just like to get rid of the unknown! The unknown vexes me greatly.

The guy is now married to Miss America and they have three children, no big surprise there, in fact nothing really surprised me about his current life. He has taken the path that was always laid out there for him; at least it seems to me, but I could be wrong. My only wish is that he's happy, because he is one of the people I wish happiness in life.

I however have veered off the path of what I thought my life would end up like when I was young and I am ecstatic about it. I wouldn’t trade my life for anybody else’s because I’ve made it something I enjoy! In a very strange way, Facebook has given me a glimpse of what my life may have turned out like, had I not learned new things and tested my old, comfortable environment. I faced the unknown, I embraced the new and personally, I am better for having done it.

Viva lá Facebook!

Texting: AKA - The Death of the "Real" Relationship

2008-09-03T18:20:00.006-05:00

There could be an entire documentary film about how text messages have killed the idea of a "real" relationship. My friend JV once posted a link on my Facebook to a funny cartoon about two phones getting drunk and having a text hook-up relationship, with no actual conversation. It basically went as follows: two phones meet up in a bar while drinking/drunk, exchange numbers and continue to text over the space of a week, then they both get drunk again, hook-up, have freaky phone sex (actually quite funny), then break-up via text. I realize this is just an animated version of what happens most weekends across the country. My friend AmyT also met a guy, they exchanged numbers, and he would only have text conversations with her. For instance, he would send her a text, and she would try and call him. He wouldn't answer his phone, but would then text her back. Now I realize there are times when one cannot have an actual conversation due to time and place and therefore uses text to communicate, but she didn't feel this was the case with this guy. She stopped responding to his texts and he stopped texting.

Last week before I left for Utah and Burning Man I received the following text:

FWB? Come meet me near Wrigley, I'm nervous but not shy.

This text came from a guy on my volleyball team, who I am absolutely 100% NOT interested in, would never consider for a romantic relationship and is most definitely not a candidate for a FWB situation. I started to think where I may have gone wrong in my friendship with him to make him think that I would even be open to such a situation as friends with benefits. I personally don't think I put out the FWB vibe, I have never suggested any such openness to such an arrangement and hadn't spoken to him in over a week when I received this text. Which got me to thinking...

Is this where relationships have gone? Seriously, have people stopped communicating the old fashioned way? This text really peeved me, and apparently it's still peeving me!

Back to Civilization

2008-09-02T15:18:00.001-05:00

Hi Internet,

Did you miss me? Sorry I've been out of touch for the last week. Burning Man was awesome, but the cold I brought home really, REALLY sucks! I am at home recovering and I promise I will be back to normal (ha!) soon and telling you stories and posting pics of Burning Man 2008!

Regards,

Salt City Miss

My Girl Crushes

2008-08-26T15:04:00.003-05:00

Being home this week I developed new girl-crushes. I admit that I think intelligent women are the coolest thing on this earth, ok, next to a really well-crafted pair of Italian leather heels, they're the coolest thing on this earth (is it ok to compare awesome women to Italian leather shoes?). I find the older I get the more outstanding women I meet. Some have travelled the world and some just want to paint the whole thing pink (that's for you Linds), but they all have great stories, big hearts, brilliant minds, beautiful smiles and gorgeous hair. This weekend I had the opportunity to meet new women, get to know some women better and re-discover a few long-time friends.

Let me put it this way, if I were a lesbian and they were lesbians I would have been having multiple orgasms all weekend!

Greetings from the Salt City

2008-08-25T10:32:00.003-05:00

Sorry guys I’ve been “off the reservation” for a couple of days, meaning I haven’t checked e-mail or updated you all on my crazy life for a few days. Since I’m at work today (just about wet myself laughing at that) I’m trying to catch up on my correspondence and update you all on the weekend.

Friday was great, after flying in from Chi-town, I saw the fam, then I rendezvoused at JV’s house and hugged everyone there with wild abandon and checked out JV’s Buckminster Fuller! JV has built an awesome geodesic dome for our Burning Man adventure – we now have shade, glorious shade! Then I changed the clothes and picked up the BFF and headed to Murphy’s to meet the UT Bloggers, Sarah, Summer, Helmet and guest-Utahn Kel! We had a great time, and it was wonderful putting actual people to the words. I also invited my rowdy friends, which can certainly be interesting to say the least. I’ve blogged before about how much I miss hugging my friends so I apologize if I broke anybody’s ribs this weekend – SORRY!

Saturday I golfed with the BFF, which was awesome to have that alone time and catch up. Did a little shopping and driving, oh how I miss driving! Saturday night was Girl’s Night Out at the Red Door. Love, Love, Love the girls, they are vibrant, expressive and always lovely. They are a sight to behold when they get together! Then everybody headed to JV’s house for the trailer party and gossip in the kitchen, I finally called in a night/morning at 2AM. I am so not used to such hours.
Note: I especially apologize to the Lovely Wheeler if I broke her ribs, I think I definitely hugged her the longest and hardest. Our relationship is strange, because we work together but in different offices/states, so it’s great to actually see her in person.

Sunday was with the family for most of the day and then dinner with Marley. We had a great meal and absolutely wonderful conversation. For a long time our relationship was chatting across the bar, but since moving away, when I’m in town we actually make time to sit and talk without all the outside noise and constant interruption of others – although the waiter kept sitting down and chatting and whining just a bit, ok whining a LOT! One of the things I love about this town is running into the people I’ve known over the years, there is a reason we call is Small Lake City.

Today I’m in the office and adjusting back to pre-vacation mode for today and tomorrow and then it’s off to Burning Man! Nudity, non-conformity and nocturnal revelry!

Surf-Shopping

2008-08-20T12:01:00.002-05:00

I have to plug this website, because it's my favorite place to go surf-shopping with my girlfriends. I love their over-the-knee socks so much, and arm-warmers and leg-warmers and garters...I could go on and on and on.

www.sock-dreams.com

I have brought them so much business they ought to pay me, or at least send me freebies!

Addict!

2008-08-20T08:57:00.006-05:00

Hello my name is Doni and I am a shoe addict!

Yep, I said it, I admit it and I currently see no need for changing! There are a few problems with being a shoe addict and there is always a solution. Behold I give you my 12 Step program for being a shoe addict. Pun totally intended, somedays I'm just "punny" like that.

Disclaimer - while I am truly a shoe addict, for those of you who don't know my sense of humor, these are all in jest!

1) Lack of proper closet space. This is huge, your only option is to buy a 2 bedroom condo/house and turn one bedroom into a walk-in closet! I see no other way around this.
2) Shoe-eating-sidewalks - Chicago is notorious! Find yourself an excellent shoe doctor. I'm still looking, because the one I've been going to is good, but the cost is dipping into my new shoe budget.
3) Lack of proper closet space. Shelves, shelves, shelves! Shoes must not be allowed to be thrown into a pile and left there until their next wearing, they develop attitudes this way and will give you a blister just for spite.
4) An outfit to match each pair of shoes. What's the point in having killer shoes if you don't have the killer outfit to match?
5) Lack of lighting in proper closet space. (seeing a pattern here) Shoes should be displayed in ideal lighting conditions, how else am I supposed to determine if the shoes are the proper shade of brown? Especially when I'm working on only 5 hrs of sleep.
6) Footcare. A bad pedicure or neglect of feet can kill a gorgeous sandal. Chipped red on the toenails, huge no no!
7)...

Foget the rest, I'm going back to surf-shopping for shoes!

Update: Littlemansmom brings up a very good point. 7) Wear them often. Shoes will spite you if you do not wear them often enough. They will give you blisters! But I hold firm to proper closet space, shoes need good R&R just like we do. But I have been know to leave multiple pairs of shoes hanging around outside the closet.

Today's Horoscope

2008-08-18T08:52:00.003-05:00

Pisces (2/19-3/20)
Your friends are all different, so stop treating them all the same. Mix it up.

Truer words were never spoken. Though I've posted my horoscope a few times before, I should point out that I never put any stock into them, but I find amusement and insight in some of them, and this one is right on the money. Though I've known this for a long, long time it struck me as meaningful for today.

Since being away from all my very close friends, what KW calls the "Urban Tribe", and I have mentioned on a few occassions in this blog, I have most definitely taken to heart that it's true, all my friends are vastly different. There are the romantics, the hermits, the social butterflies, the planners, the players, the jacks-of-all-trade, the loners, the lovable losers, the smart ones, the really smart ones, the not-so-smart ones, the class-clowns and the teacher's pet. But the one thing that brings them all together is...I love them!

I can't wait to see you all!

Meetings & Greetings

2008-08-18T08:35:00.005-05:00

Since moving away from SLC, I have "met" some very interesting and funny people from SLC. I say "met" because except for Sarahbellum, and Amanda, I have not yet met in person, the other Utah folk who read this blog and I theirs. So, because I think you all are very amusing, I would love to meet you and hopefully share a drink with you, I will be at Murphy's Bar & Grille on 200 S Main on Friday night at 8PM, until who knows when. If you're out and about, stop by and say hi! If you know Murphy's it's very low key, but for me it's one of those places where I know everybody (mostly) and they know me...especially the lovely Marley, who will be behind the bar slingin' booze!

In case you don't already read these Utah bloggers, here's a little blogroll:

Sarah
Summer
Helmet
Reba & Felicity
Miss Kiesha
Amanda

Bringing Up the Rear

2008-08-14T09:54:00.001-05:00

Walking in Chicago has numerous hazards, some of which I have pointed out in other posts, but I have discovered a new one, besides the crumbling sidewalks, the gaps in sidewalks that eat stilettos, the crazy drivers, rude pedestrians that take up more than their share of sidewalk, bicyclists who ride on the sidewalks and taxis who don’t care if you’re crossing the street, my new one is the loss of my ass!

I have never had a lot of junk in the trunk…ok, I’ve never had ANY junk in the trunk, but now I have even less, it’s like a fire sale on my ass EVERYTHING MUST GO! All this walking has made my nearly non-existent ass, non-existent, only enhanced more by the dress I’m wearing today. I thought I looked pretty good going out of the house today, but I caught my profile in the glass of a building and thought – “Oh great, I seem to have left my ass in the jeans I wore last night.”

Note to self: incorporate more squats into daily routine.

Dancing in the Streets

2008-08-12T09:35:00.002-05:00

As a mass-transit commuter, I miss having my car stereo; the morning DJ banter, Top 40 hits, blasting the awesome dance songs and yes, even stupid local commercials. I am relegated to the iPod generation, listening to whatever pops up on the shuffle through really shitty ear buds, like the rest of the mass-transit commuters, unable to sing along at the top of our lungs. Currently I am listening to the shuffle because I like the random, eclectic awesomeness that is my shuffle list.

This morning I had the most fortunate experience during the last three blocks to work and standing in line at Starbucks. I distinctly noted the following songs in order with which they played: Me & Bobby McGee (Janis), Black Betty (Ram Jam) and What's Love Got to Do With It (Tina Turner), this caused spontaneous singing and dance-walking all the way from the bus to the office. See, I have a theory that I can make a fool out of myself in front of strangers and passersby because they'll probably never see me again. However, I usually try to maintain composure in front of friends, family and co-workers, this doesn't always happen, but at least I try.

I finally stopped singing and dance-walking (please tell me everybody knows what this is) when I reached the elevator, because that's just a little too close for comfort to be making a fool out of myself with people who see me Monday thru Friday.

Tummy Rumblings

2008-08-11T08:56:00.002-05:00

For the past eight days I have been on a cleanse due to some intestinal issues, you know the lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup cleanse and surprisingly I'm still on it and I feel great. I have never put much stock into fasts and cleanses, mostly because I am gluttonous by nature. I prefer a bacon cheeseburger with fries rather than a healthy salad. I will eat peanut M&M's til I pop, my family and friends can attest to this. I cannot stand to do without, I am an instant gratification sort of girl. So color me surprised when I started this cleanse and I have actually stuck with it. There was one breakdown on Friday night because my friend the Piano Man was in town from Nashville. When he finally made it to my place, he was starving and I didn't want to go into the whole "I'm on a cleanse, so I'll just have water with lemon" thing, so we went out and I agonized over having what I really wanted (huge juicy steak) versus having a salad (I chose a salad). Because this cleanse clearly says you should not eat any food whatsoever during the cleanse, and when you're coming off the cleanse you should only have vegetable broth for two days, I was a little concerned. I had every right to be! About two hours after dinner, and five minutes after walking in my apartment door, I was sick as a dog. I won't go into details, let's just say I didn't leave the bathroom for nearly an hour. This was not pleasant!

I went back on the cleanse on Saturday morning and I feel fine again. I've set a goal to continue this cleanse until the 20th of August, which leaves me two days to acclimate back to normal eating by the time I leave for SLC and Burning Man. There has been a huge benefit, I wore my skinny jeans on Friday night, and not only did they fit, they were loose.

Sense & Sensibility

2008-08-07T09:56:00.003-05:00

A conversation with a fellow blogger the other day got me to thinking about certain traits we hold in esteem and in which order we rank those traits. It was a discussion about sense(s). The discussion was that I held common sense in much higher regard than fashion sense, since the topic stemmed from me commenting about breaking a cardinal rule of fashion. So I got to thinking about what other senses I held in esteem. I give you my top six:

Common Sense – By far the highest in my six, seems common sense is not so common. I don’t care if you’re valedictorian of your high school, if you don’t know what religion the pope is there is absolutely no hope for you! <--This was an actual question a 17 year-old once asked me.
Sense of Humor – Oooohhhh, total biggie there! If you do not have the ability to laugh at yourself you are doomed to live a sad life, because we’ll all be laughing at you behind your back. Well, maybe not, because chances are if you don’t have a sense of humor, you’re most likely not one of my friends and therefore wouldn’t be anywhere near us so we could laugh at you behind your back. That made sense right?
Street Sense – (i.e. street smarts) Again pretty far up there because you need to be able to find your way around in new situations. For instance what if you get dropped in the middle of an alligator feeding frenzy, you most definitely need to have your wits about you to survive. Hey, it could happen! Just remember to try and not smell like raw chicken, I hear this is essential.
Financial Sense – HUGE, if you can’t manage your money you need to take a class. This is a basic fact of life, money doesn’t make the world go round, but it will buy you a ticket to go around the world. HAHA, ok, that just cracked me up! Seriously, many single women I meet are putting themselves in debt to finance their lifestyles and it seems they are waiting for a guy to come along and pay off their debt. This makes me sad, because well, I work in money and I believe in girl power. Stop charging yourselves to death ladies! Be responsible!
Spidey Sense – Ok I know you can argue that this is just an amplification of your original five senses (scent, taste, touch, sight & hearing), but the web thing would be totally AWESOME! Imagine all the possibilities.
And Lastly,
Fashion Sense – You don’t have to possess the style of Carrie Bradshaw (character not SJP), however, knowing that you SHOULD NOT wear flip-slops with a cocktail dress – priceless!

Of course I have other traits that are mixed in there in varying degrees of esteem; those were just the senses, other traits like honesty, self-regard, intelligence, etc. are certainly more important…I just didn’t know how to make them funny!

Cheers!

Oh Happy Day!

2008-08-05T14:50:00.004-05:00

I broke a cardinal rule of fashion today - I wore a brown belt with black shoes! I have a really, really good reason though. First of all, the belt is not visible, but was absolutly necessary to hold up my black pants that are now too big to stay in the proper location on my hips. Secondly, the one black belt I had that would fit through the loops on these pants...is now too big! Yep, there is not one more hole left to get the belt to stay in place. I knew it was coming and I should have taken the belt to the leather shop up the street and had him punch a new hole, but I like the idea of having a good, valid reason to buy a new black belt.

YAY!

The 312

2008-08-04T15:08:00.003-05:00

There is a restaurant called 312 (Chicago area code for those not in the know) on the corner of Randolph and LaSalle. I get off there every morning on my way to work, because it is the most direct route to the closest Starbucks near my office. It's a nice restaurant, it definitely caters to the business breakfast folks in the morning and the theater going folks in the evening. I assume they probably do a pretty good lunch too, but since it's far enough away from my office I've never been inside. So I can't tell you first hand.

For the past few months when I walk by, the morning staff waves at me through the large picture windows on LaSalle and Randolph. I wave back because A) I'm nice and B) It's a huge boost to one's ego and they are adorable, you know in that cute gay waiter kind of adorable. A couple of weeks ago, one of the waiters ran outside and actually said, "Good Morning". So this has been going on for a few weeks, every couple of days the little waiter comes out and says hello, or good morning or you look nice, etc. Cut to this morning, it's pouring rain and everybody is rushing to get where they're going and get out of the rain and the little waiter comes running out. He says how all the guys in the restaurant think I'm cute (ugh, cute is for 4 year olds) and they have nicknamed me "Samantha" as in Sex and the City Samantha because they didn't know my real name. He asks what my real name is, I tell him and then I say thanks, that's very sweet, tell the boys hi, yada, yada, yada, I wave and I'm off to work...in the rain.

Though the more I think about it, it's not so much of a compliment, because she was the sluttiest dresser...best not to think about it.

Random

2008-08-01T14:13:00.006-05:00

So I still need to find a cute pink wig (yes as a matter of fact I did mention that yesterday), but I would settle for a cute white wig. Sarah says she knows a place in Utah where she bought a really cute pink wig. I'm guessing Blue Boutique, since that is the first place I would have looked if I still lived in Utah. In addition I would purchased all my skimpy clothes that I will be wearing to Burning Man there as well. But in the interest of preserving my skin as well as my bank account I decided to make all my costumes this year...along with three costumes for AmyT and a skirt for Linds. Since I am in total control of design and manufacturing of the costumes I decided on pink and/or black for all my evening attire.

My costumes will consist of the following elements:

Pink Fur (eyelash fur with pink leopard print design underneath)
Pink Sequin
Pink Mesh
Black Satin
Pink 4" Fringe
Pink & White ElWire

The shoes are another matter altogether. I have the pink knee-high lace up boots I was wearing during the 2006 motorcycle accident, which would totally work. They are pretty messed up from the accident, but they still look hot. And then...I found these boots at The Alley on Clark. I think I have found my Burning Man Boots for 08!

Update: I promise to post pictures of my outfits when I have them finished.

Horoscope for today...

2008-07-31T09:31:00.003-05:00

Pisces (2/19-3/20)
Avoid inflicting your opinions on others, today -- it will only slow your progress.

Are you kidding me? Well then what else am I supposed to do today?

Seriously, FUCK!

If I can't inflict my opinions on others today I might as well go home and go back to bed. But first I MUST find a cute pink wig!

Missing You

2008-07-30T09:06:00.002-05:00

It rained last night, it rained HARD last night. Thunder, lightning, literal downpour and it put me in a most decidedly melancholy mood. I tried calling a few friends from back home, but had no luck reaching them. Since I've been away I see myself slipping further and further from their daily lives, which is sad for me, but in all fairness, except the ones I IM throughout the day most of them have slipped from my daily conciousness. Learning a new role in life is always hard, especially at 34 - old dog new tricks and all that.

I miss my friends today.

Drunk Dialing Protocol

2008-07-28T12:01:00.010-05:00

This weekend I attended the "Taste of Lincoln" neighborhood festival. If you've never lived in Chicago you'll know all about this, the summers are full of neighborhood festivals, each area has their own take on the block party and bascially it's the same party every weekend in a different location. The whole event is basically this: close the street for approximately 5 to 7 blocks, put up a few stages for live music, line the street with vendors (food, promotional and knock off Fendis), open the bars to any and all comers and have copious amounts of beer and vodka lemonades for the festival goers. As it stands, Taste of Lincoln is the best so far, besides the fact that it's very close to home for me, it's the perfect time of year, everybody is in the party spirit and it's the longest so there is less crowding.

We gathered a large group of friends, met at a bar and proceeded to "stroll" the festival. Our group was close to 20 people, so after awhile you split up, meet up, split up and eventually meet back up at a bar somewhere. (much like a bad relationship) Toward the end of the festival I was outside Clarke's waiting for some of the girls and a couple of guys stopped to chat, and when I say chat, I mean fall all over their drunken words and repeat themselves numerous times trying to get your phone number. This happens often toward the end of the night because guys have had just enough to drink that they'll feel embolden enough to approach me. Anyway, so a couple of guys stop, we chat for quite awhile, the tall one is funny and from Georgia (I'm a sucker for southern boys) so I decide to give him my number (which I would soon regret) and then I go back into the bar with the girls.

While we were waiting for the rest of our group I was chatting with my friend Hayley at the bar. She had assembled a group of young boys around her, and they were absolutly adorable. They were from Fargo, in town visiting one of their friends and all in their early 20s. You run into this alot in Chicago. They were trying their twenty-year-old best to hit on us which was comical and amounted to this - "Hey, I'm leaving to go home to (insert city name) in 12 hours, wanna go back to (insert friend's name) house?" Thanks, but no thanks boys! We bid adieu to the boys and headed to Bottle Bar up the street, outside the festival zone. We have a bit more to drink, dance our asses off and have a great time. About 2AM, I decide I'm ready to go home, I said good night to the group and walked home. This is where I regret giving my number to the Georgia guy.

I made it home by 2:30, I'm exhausted, remove my contacts, wash my make-up off and crash into bed. I'm just about asleep, kitty cat is curled up next to me when my phone rings. Note: There is a very short list of people that can call me at that hour and get away with it. Most of these people live in Utah, with the exception of one person in Cali and one in Tenn, and Chicago has a few potentials for that short list. I do however make a few exceptions to this rule.

So I look at my phone and realize it's Georgia. I'm irritated to say the least and there's no way I'm answering this phone, because there is only one reason you make a phone call at 2:30 to somebody you just met...and we all know what that reason is. I push the ignore button, figuring I'm going to hear the signal for a voicemail in a few seconds, nope the phone rings again, I hit ignore, the phone rings again, I hit ignore, the phone rings again, I hit ignore...folks this happens 9 times! Now you might ask, well why didn't you just put the phone on silence? Simple answer - it was 2:30AM and there was alcohol involved. Needless to say I was not coherent. Truly I didn't remember how many times this had happened until 11AM yesterday morning when I woke up and saw 9 missed calls on my phone and only one number came up.

Some part of me absolutly expected a call from Georgia explaining the phone call, but I know better. I know why he called and I can most likely not expect to get a phone call from him anytime in the future. Which is all for the better anyway.

But it brings me to this - there needs to be a set of rules for drunk dialing.
Such as:
1. You must have already had relations with a person before calling them at 3AM for a booty call. You do not drunk dial the guy/chick you just met.
2. No drunk dialing more than one person in a night. Pick your pony if you will.
3. There should be a cutoff time for calling. You cannot be awakened at 3AM and be expected to perform, this is just mean.
4. Only call once, do not call and hang up when they don't answer and call back 8 MORE TIMES!
5. If you're going to call at ungodly hours, please, PLEASE leave a rambling, drunken, slurred message so I can play it repeatedly for my friends at brunch the next morning and we can mock you over and over again!

Thank you all, I've said my peace!

Noisy Neighbor Update

2008-07-24T08:54:00.012-05:00

For those of you following along with the Noisy Neighbor, I give you Sunday.

After I was stood up on Sunday, I decided I might as well get some wash done. I got in the elevator to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer and the elevator stopped one floor below mine. A guy gets on and by the not-so-gentle swaying of his entire body, I can tell he's pretty much plastered. It's still early in the evening so this is a bit surprising. He turns to me and says, "Hey, I know you. I've seen you on the bus." He continues on in his one act monologue and I just stare at him, quite amused, because even though I just typed - "Hey, I know you. I've seen you on the bus.", what I really heard was "Heeeeeeyyyyyy, I knooowwwwyooouuu. I've ssseeennn yooouuuonnndabusss." <--this is why I'm staring at him highly amused. I figure he really needs no encouragement from me. He asks me which floor I live on, to which I reply a completely different floor than the one I do live on, then he tells me his apartment number. Imagine my surprise when it turns out to be the apartment right below mine! Yes, ladies and gentleman, we have finally met the man who likes his girls loud! Now I am very much amused by this whole situation, unable to hide the smile on my face. He tells me he's going to go out and have a smoke as if I'm supposed to wait for him and then it starts to dawn on me, I think my Noisy Neighbor has misread the smile on my face. We part and I go in the laundry room to switch the loads, figuring if I hurry I can beat him back into the elevator. No such luck...and this is where the story takes a decidedly creepy twist.

Just as the elevator door is opening, in comes the Noisy Neighbor, staggering wildly through the door asking me to hold the elevator. Though I can sometimes be thoughtless, I'm not mean, so I hold the door. On the ride up, Noisy Neighbor is swaying just a bit more with the nicotine now coursing through his already alcohol infused veins, and he's starting to invade my space. I back myself up against the wall while drunkie here is running through his mental dictionary trying to match enough words together to form a pick-up line. He's getting closer and I'm getting a little concerned that this guy is going to push it just a bit too far. As the elevator is opening on his floor, he turns to me and says in his best 70's swinger voice "Would you like to come in for a drink." and then the fucker winked, it was too much. I busted up laughing, nearly dropping the wet, non-dryables from the washer and then I realized there was a guy standing in the open door. Noisy Neighbor gave me one last wistful...ok, drunken look before stumbling out of the door and the next guy got on. He asked what that was all about and commented that it looked like he had gotten on at the right time. I gave him a quick rundown and thanked him for his perfect timing.

I laughed all the way back to my apartment and after meeting Noisy Neighbor...I am now absolutely positive she was faking it!

Denied!

2008-07-21T16:28:00.002-05:00

So I had something happen this weekend that hasn't happened in a long time.

When I was in college, over a decade ago, I agreed to a semi-blind date. The guy was a brother of a friend from high school. My friend was two years older than me and his brother was four years older than him. One day my friend came by my work with his brother and we chatted for a bit. A few days later my friend called and said his brother thought I was cute and wanted to know if I'd agree to a date. I said yes and we set a time and place. I showed up and about an hour later I realized I'd been stood up! It was a first for me and I was mortified. I never heard from the guy and his brother had no idea what had happened. About a month later I found out the guy had checked himself into a mental hospital. Seemingly I dodged a bullet on that one. There is a lot more to this story happening a few years later, but that part of the story doesn't play into this weekend's story so we'll skip it.

So jump forward many, many years. I'm now living in Chicago, I'm in my mid-thirties and I just got stood up for the second time in my life and once again I am mortified!

Dating sucks!

Weekend Agenda

2008-07-18T13:21:00.009-05:00

Fri - Gym, much needed sleep!
Sat - Gym, sewing (burning man costumes), drinks with girls & Ryan's B-day at Easy Bar!
Sun - Gym, brunch, drinks with the Irish Boy! <--this is what I'm really looking forward to.

Why the gym so much you ask - Seeing as how I'm Burning Man bound in just a little over a month, I need to tone up the body, or at least the bits that will be bared to the sand, sun and other burners.

Obsessions

2008-07-17T08:31:00.003-05:00

I have a sick obsession with pin-up girl clothing. Not the tiny two-piece bikinis and shorty faux waitress uniforms, but the real glamour side of it. The tight fitted knee length dresses or pencil skirts with awesome architectural detailing and tailored tops that always seem to accentuate the positive and never the negative. Whenever I find the perfect twill material I always make something new in this style. I also find myself endlessly surf-shopping rockabilly/pin-up girl clothing sites, so imagine my surprise when I pass a shop on Monday night with a stunning red 20s style retro dress in the display. I was in a hurry, so I figured I would stop in last night. Now imagine my surprise at finding the following two things: 1) It was cheaply made, I mean seriously shitty and 2) It was $144.00!

Now $144 would have been okay if it had included any of the following: been well-made, made my body look 2 sizes smaller or had guaranteed that my date tonight would have fallen on his knees the minute he saw me and thanked the Goddesses for my existence. Since I knew the first two to be incorrect and I highly doubted the last one, it was just too much for my budget.

All of this now feeds to my current obsession - now what the fuck do I wear for my date tonight?

My Brain Hurts

2008-07-15T13:51:00.004-05:00

I have been in an online seminar nearly all day! Seriously, I cannot take this today because I am currently searching for anyway to erase all the gunk from my brain. Short of opening up my skull, grabbing a wire brush and vigorously scubbing the shit out of my grey matter I'm FUCKED! And I am supposed to be maintaining the information brought to me by the wonderful people at Morningstar!

Irish Boys and Irish Whiskey

2008-07-13T21:13:00.004-05:00

The following post bought to you by numerous Jameson & Cokes...seriously, NUMEROUS!

I had the most fortunate experience of meeting two very funny Irishmen last night at a bar called the Kerryman. One we'll call the leprechaun on ecstasy the other is a total hottie with puppy dog brown eyes named Johnny. Anyway, after downing numerous Jameson & Cokes last night, they invited me to an Irish bar for Sunday Funday. So this morning I showed up at the bar and we watched the Cubs game and traveled throughout Wrigleyville. Through all this drinking and me missing half of what they were saying (I'm not very good at understanding accents), I fell in lust with the total hottie. We shared a cab to my apartment, where I promptly fell right back into my teenage years by kissing Puppy Dog Eyes in the back seat of a cab.

I fucking love this city!

Boys and Metaphors

2008-07-11T13:36:00.002-05:00

I am a huge fan of boys. Two of my closest friends are boys and I love them to pieces. But I have come to realize that boys can be classified so many ways that it's hard to be universal, therefore I choose metaphors.

For instance there is the "convenience store" boy - he's the one who is very much like a gas station, it's a great place to fill your car with gas, but you wouldn't want to get your hair and nails done there. He fills a certain need in your life, mostly it's checking under the hood and knowing that your well-tuned, lovely piece of finely-crafted machinery needs high octane fuel and a knowledgeable hand.

There is the "big-box" boy - he can handle all your physical needs when it comes to the lifting, building, fixing and moving sort or needs. You don't worry about getting dressed-up to take a spin around Target, but then again you always love visiting the Target. He's the one who sees you on Saturday morning, when you need help getting rid of the old couch before the new one gets delivered.

There is the "bar" boy - he is much like a bartender, he's the one you pour your drunken heart out to about some other guy who's doing you wrong and though you're positive there is never anything physical going to happen with him, you're quite sure he's still hoping the complete opposite.

These metaphors could go on and on, the only reason I mention all this, is because I don't have any of those boys here! I am hereby setting a goal to find at least one of those boys here in Chicago before the summer is out.

Personally I'm rooting for "Convenience Boy"...mama's engine is running a little hot these days!

Sales and Sails

2008-07-10T11:44:00.001-05:00

I love a good sale, and I mean a really good one, like 70% off that awesome dress I saw last week, you know the one that fits my hips, my waist AND my boobs, the one I could totally wear right now without needing to have it altered to fit all three important areas, the one that I just couldn’t justify spending $200 on because I don’t have the perfect shoes to match. Well, I didn’t get that good of a sale, but American Airlines just put their fall airfares on sale and I purchased two tickets home to SLC! This all makes me very happy because now I am going to Burning Man again this year, and besides my four favorite traveling companions: JV, TA, AmyT (virgin) and Trock Daddy, there will also be GCup, The Collin Sisters (3 of them at least), Tracy & Dean and a newbie – Legs (also a virgin)! So I’ve purchased my glow wire, and I’ve started sketching costumes…this puts a ton of wind in my sails!

Speaking of sails, since I’ve been hanging with the sailor boy, I’ve decided I really like sailing. I’ve always loved the water, but I’ve never been good on small watercraft. But after spending some time on the boat and actually sleeping on the boat after the fireworks on the 4th and sailing on the 5th I can now call myself officially a fan of sailing. I have learned many valuable lessons out on the open water, besides knots, terms and jargon…don’t date fellow sailors! Sailing is a small community and everybody knows everybody and their history. Reminds me of SLC!

Freaks and Geeks

2008-07-09T09:11:00.004-05:00

Have you ever read an article about how a star athlete was sidelined by a freak accident? For instance, a quarterback ends up on the injured reserve list because he pulled a back muscle while sneezing or a pitcher can’t pitch in rotation because he was coughing and blew a blood vessel in his dominant eye and is temporarily blind.

This morning, yours truly was nearly taken out by a dragonfly! What follows is a true and honest account of my experience this morning.

It is well known that the sidewalks in Chicago don’t maintain their structure for very long, with the moisture and the harsh winters; all the sidewalks are cracked, crumbling and hastily patched. They can be treacherous to the high-heeled wearing miss, especially near the intersections. This morning I was waiting at a crosswalk on Washington and Wacker when a dragonfly decided his morning snack was going to be my coffee. I tried to shoo the dragonfly away and cover my coffee, all the while side-stepping out of the way, when my left heel caught in one of the cracks and down I went onto my left side. Surprisingly I didn’t spill the coffee and all the contents in my purse stayed put. I immediately started laughing. The gentleman next to me was laughing as well while he helped me up. The light changed and we crossed the street, that’s when it hit me, if I’d fallen forward instead of to my left I would have been a goner, taken out in the prime of my life in a freak accident involving a dragonfly and quite possibly a speeding taxi.

Now I do not wish to leave this life anytime soon, I’m having a good time and hope to be here for many years to come, but I figure if you have to go, at least give your friends a good story to tell about this chick you once knew who got hit by a cab because she got her heel stuck in a sidewalk crack while trying to stop a dragonfly from drinking her coffee.

Comments Please

2008-07-08T09:03:00.000-05:00

Ok, this is the note I have come up with. Any suggestions?

Dear Neighbor in Apt #456;

Though we have never met before, I have been witness (audible) to your musical selections and on numerous occasions to your very loud movie selections. It is also true that on the rare quiet moments late at night and early in the morning I have even faintly heard your snoring. However, recently the noise level emanating from the bedroom area of your apartment has become, shall we say, more boisterous. To put it bluntly, your girlfriend’s coital screaming has reached a climax (pun absolutely intended). Monday morning’s 5:30 AM wake-up call is what has prompted this note. Although this last weekend’s numerous sessions could also figure in as well. The bed banging up against the wall promptly brought me out of a sound sleep along with the screaming.

My only request with this note is to ask you kindly to consider others in your sexual escapades, not that you should invite others, that of course is completely up to your and your partner. Please be aware that your neighbors around you can hear what’s going on in your apartment and more to the point of this letter, your bedroom when it reaches a certain volume.

We respect your privacy and hopefully you respect ours, but when it interferes in such an audible manner I feel it is time to say something.

Regards,

Your Neighbors

Proximity and Promiscuity

2008-07-07T12:11:00.004-05:00

My downstairs neighbor has a new girlfriend. Having never met my downstairs neighbor you might be wondering how I know he has a new girlfriend. This is a very valid question and here is my answer.

Since moving into my new apartment five months ago I have discovered certain things:
1) Cooking anything will set the smoke detector/CO2 detector off.
2) The 2nd elevator will never get fixed.
3) Doing laundry requires perfect timing to beat the rush on Sunday.
4) The water pressure never gets more than a hearty trickle.
And finally
5) The walls and floors are very thin; which brings me to the title of this post.

For the last five months I have overheard various exchanges within separate apartments as I’m passing by in the hallway: cats and dogs, birds, burps, fights, music, movies, morning alarms and sneezes. Numerous times I have heard my downstairs neighbor’s too loud stereo and television. Consequently, the only sound I’ve heard coming from the bedroom area has been very masculine snoring. However, for the last week the noise level from the bedroom has definitely ramped up! The moans and screaming have both kept me awake and awaken me. This morning’s caterwauling at 5:30 AM was not nice! I can forgive the weekend session; I mean really who doesn’t like a little on the weekends or a lot for that matter, but seriously at 5:30 AM on a MONDAY! The verbal emanations like those of a poorly acted porn movie were bad enough (then again aren’t all porn movies bad acting?), but the force of the bed hitting the wall vibrating up into my bedroom is where I draw the line.

I have decided to drop a note to the neighbor…I’m just not sure how to word it?

Follow-up:
A reader posted this link www.passiveaggressivenotes.com and after checking it out, I definitely have an idea of the note I will be writing. Thanks Vicki. Stay tuned.

Shimmy and Shake

2008-07-03T11:38:00.001-05:00

Last night I attended my “official” first burlesque class, it FUCKING ROCKED, seriously! I have always been intrigued by the burlesque and pin-up girl history which has found a new resurgence among the Rockabilly types as well as maintaining an almost cultural awe among new performers of burlesque. The rich history of feathers, sequins and pasties is filled with the stuff of legend. The act of the tease and humor and eventually parodying sex is what makes burlesque so intriguing. I was finally drawn in by the costuming and celebration to feminine sexuality, and thus I agreed to take a month long class. The ladies in my class vary in color, shape, age and size, but we were all there together, all of us newbies and all of us ready to shimmy and shake.

As I was shimmying and shaking my way across the dance studio last night, I could almost imagine a former life of a burlesque queen. Some people would say I have both the breasts and legs for this genre; I can say I most definitely do not have the ass. Hips – YES! Ass - a resounding NO! When I start to shimmy the top, due to the sheer momentum and force that is generated, the rest of the body has no choice but to follow. While I can ultimately concentrate on the walk (I rock), the bump (hips totally work), the grind (needs a little work) and the shimmy (see above), I will leave the rump shaking to the girls with the junk in the trunk

We’ll see how far I take this, but for now it is light-hearted, giggle-inducing and whole lot of fun.

TMI

2008-07-01T12:03:00.004-05:00

So this is my horoscope for today:

Pisces (2/19-3/20)
Resist the urge to share too much about yourself -- people could get overwhelmed.

In the way of fortunes it's pretty insightful, but not very inspiring. So I've been racking my brain trying to figure out if I was yearning to tell everybody something about me that would qualify as T.M.I. and that somehow today's fortune knew it and was trying to warn me against it and it totally reminded me of stories from my teenage years. Those of you who read this blog and are or were Mormon, prepare yourselves.

When I was a teenager and still trying desperately to portray the image of a good Mormon girl (because let's face it when you grow up in small town Utah, you're either Mormon or you're nobody) all the church teachers would talk about getting your patriarchial blessing. For those of you non-mormons reading this it's like a really long fortune, dictated by really old white men...only without the stale chinese cookie. Anyway, they would say it could either serve as a guide or a warning and they would tell you about the horror stories of those girls who were wild; and when they got their blessing it was full of all sorts of warnings and cautions, because God knew you were bad (cue scary organ music)! Seeing as how the church doesn't teach females anything except be a good wife and mother and heed your patriarchial blessing, I was fucked!

I knew at an early age I didn't believe it, but I was trying so desperately to make everybody else think I believed it because I wanted so very much to belong. But I knew enough to stop pretending in my late teens, thus I never did get my patriarchial blessing. I can guarantee you it would not have been filled with a receipe for Fat Mama's Knock You Naked Margaritas, for that you have to go to The Sweet Potato Queen's Book of Love!

PRIDE

2008-06-29T17:39:00.004-05:00

Ok A) it took me 3 tries to actually log on to my account B) it's PRIDE day in Chicago and C) I am so utterly inebriated it took me forever to function, and I'm just home long enough to pop some Advil and head out again.

A little recap so far: I met my friend Scotty at Ave Tav for brunch, then we chilled while we waited for the others to show up and the parade to start. The parade started at 12:30 and ended at 5:30 and this included two deluges of rain, which surprisingly only added to the hilarity and revelry of the parade. Seriously 4 hours of pride parade and vodka cranberry and I am in a world of messed up. However, I just received a text from MG II and she needs help at Duffy's and so I find myself at home in time to dry off, change clothing and head out again.

Regarding a prior post of MG II, though I may be a slight bit judgemental regarding her trip to the Caribbean, this afternoon made me rethink my opinion of her. Funny how life can throw you a curve ball when you're watching the pride parade.

Note: This guy had the greatest legs!

Today's Lunch Companion

2008-06-27T13:28:00.002-05:00

I'm just happy it wasn't a rat!

The Young Metrosexual

2008-06-27T08:52:00.005-05:00

There are guys who are hot and guys who are cool and then there is the rare breed that combines hot and cool, with a sense of fashion and flair and we get the Metrosexual. These guys are always up on the latest in GQ, Maxim, Stuff and sometimes Vogue, they attract the straight ladies and the gay men and never worry about their masculinity. They sure are pretty to look at.

Every morning Monday thru Thursday, these metro boys enter the bus, with a calm swagger like a cat brushing by your leg, they are usually wearing fashionable suits, carrying a leather briefcase or messenger bag, their shoes are shined, their hair is gelled, the cologne is just right, they are accessorized with the impressive watch and stylish sunglasses and their tie is never contrasting with their shirt. They are the young Mr. Big in training. On Friday these metro boys are usually togged in the latest syle of wide leg denim, with the currently stylish square toed loafers, usually a print button down shirt, cuffs rolled 3 times, always tucked with a belt matching the shoes.

These are the young lawyers, new financial geniuses, newly minted MBAs and I would imagine sometimes they're the new guy, running copy, but knowing the code of: dress to impress. They are smart and they know it. Their bravado, wit and charm will make them wealthy. They are the future ladies and gentlemen...and they spend more on clothing, shoes, hair care, personal hygeine and jewelry than most of us.

Coming Soon

2008-06-26T08:39:00.002-05:00

I'm going to try and start a new Friday feature...bus personalities.

A little background, I live in a part of town with mostly twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings, mostly middle to lower middle-class and mostly single people. From what I can gather, in my neighborhood there are; new lawyers, administrative assistants, financial folk (me), advertising people and retail girls. We all ride the bus downtown every day, Monday thru Friday, and for the last six months, I have watched and studied all of my bus compadres with fascination. In this weekly section I will try and break down the varied personalities I see on the bus.

Tomorrow's post will feature the twenty-something, metrosexual, lawyer/finance guy.

Dating and Relating

2008-06-24T14:32:00.001-05:00

Let me start by saying I am a notoriously bad dater. I suck at small talk, then I feel like I’m talking too much and then there’s a lull in the conversation and I start blabbering on and on because I’m nervous. I also have a hard time meeting people, because let’s face it, I’m not exactly the friendliest person out there, and it’s not because I’m mean, I am just incredibly shy! Seriously, I should have a shirt made that says, “I drink to be friendly” so people would know to buy me a drink first.

So imagine my surprise when today’s lunch date went very well. Last week I was sitting in riverside plaza by the river having lunch and doing the crossword, then I dropped my pen, a guy picked it up for me and the next thing you know I’m running late for work because I’ve had such a great time talking to this guy. We exchanged info and he e-mailed me suggesting lunch.

Which brings us to today's date - So far so good, the lunch was great, the conversation flowed, he talked about his boat, I talked about Utah and no alcohol necessary…yet.

Weekend Recap

2008-06-23T16:01:00.009-05:00

Ok, this is going to be quick because I've run out of time and energy.

Friday was nice, I went to my first burlesque class, then went home and had some alone time with the kitty. He's been moody lately, so I decided to give him a little extra "me" time. We snuggled on the couch and watched the entire first season of Californication. love, love, love David Duchovny.

Saturday I got up, went to the gym, came home, did a little light cleaning, had brunch and watched game #2 of the Crosstown Classic at the Ave Tav. Then I met up with some friends and we went to see the Drive By Truckers at the Taste of Randolph and capped it all off with a little club hopping, ending up at Tryst.

# of texts rec'd from friends in SLC - 7 (nice surprise about a possible relocation & jealousy over concert)

# of texts sent to friends in SLC - numerous (3 or 4 to friend about possible relocation, 3 or 4 to friend who hates me but hearts me all at the same time *love you girl* and 1 big one to BFF asking her to move her lovely self to Chicago to save me from stupid girls!)

#of bourbon & diet cokes imbibed - a few, not so much as to get drunk, but I only drink to be friendly. Therefore I drank just enough.

# of shots - a lot, but in my defense I didn't order any of them, I just drank whatever was put in front of me.

# of blocks walked home - ohmyfuckinggodtoomany

Sunday, surprisingly went to the gym, then went to a bbq with the volleyball team and others (the firemen) and watched game #3 of the Crosstown Classic (Cubs won all 3!). Got home in time to snap picture of kitty cat passed out on living room rug (posted below) and then had my own personal Johnny Depp/Orlando Bloom Pirates of the Caribbean marathon.

The End.

Axis Slightly Off-Kilter

2008-06-23T14:43:00.001-05:00

Today I had one of those moments. You know the kind that makes you re-think your age, identity, friendships, etc. Today, a very good friend of mine changed his profile picture on Facebook and let’s just say the picture was definitely dated. It looks like a prom/high school dance photo, and it’s sometime in the late seventies. I have never thought of this friend as old, even though I know he’s older than me, he’s always been a peer and seeing as how he hangs with all of us in our varying ages, I just never really thought of the age gap until I saw the photo. Though he does look smokin' in the photo (Sorry I cannot post the picture here due to privacy…which is a total bummer!) And then I started to wonder, did I ever think I would ever grow-up, like I always imagined adults do? You know; have the whole husband, kids, house in the 'burbs thing.

I’m now in my mid-thirties and when I look at my life, which I am very fortunate to have; I am single, well established career wise, financially secure (both now and for the future), I am well traveled and continue to travel as much as possible, I have friends from varied backgrounds all over the world and I have an education that nobody can take away from me. But if I compare my life as it is now, with what I thought life was supposed to be like at this point; I am fully 180 degrees in the other direction. I guess when you’re growing up you look at your parents and you either model your life after them or run screaming for the hills, my life is far different from where my mother was at my age and I know she is as much grateful for that as I am. I guess I just always thought of thirty-anything as old and now here I am re-evaluating fifty and sixty!

These are the things I ponder and I wonder about all those kids from my early years who knew exactly what they wanted to be and how they wanted to grow-up. I wonder how many opportunities they have had to re-evaluate their lives and I wonder if they wonder at all?

Sunday Funday

2008-06-23T08:53:00.003-05:00

This is what the kitty did this weekend. My weekend was a little more adventurous, details to follow.

I love Fridays!

2008-06-20T10:27:00.002-05:00

This is exactly how I feel today.

Sugar Daddy . Com and MG II

2008-06-18T20:25:00.002-05:00

So I just returned home from getting a mani pedi, and let me tell you my toes definitely needed it after last night's volleyball game, but that is not the point of this post.

I had mani pedis with the Material Girl, MG is somebody I've known for a short time, and while I've only known her for a short time I've realized that this is the kind of person who won't ever me a really good friend, but she's good for meeting other people. The reason I refer to her as MG is because her sole purpose in Chicago is to find guys to pay for things, clothes, dinner, drinks, trips, rent, etc. and putting herself into deep debt to accomplish all of this. This is why she will never be a close friend.

So a few weeks ago she meets a girl who lives in her building, this girl is young, cute, bubbly and very much like MG. These two are not afraid of anything or anybody and this is what brings me to the subject at hand...www.sugardaddy.com. Yep the new girl, we'll call her MG II, as far as I can tell, she decided she needs a sugar daddy and signed up on the afore mentioned website. Apparently she's met a couple of guys and the latest one is flying her to NYC and then they're heading for St Maarten. MG II is 22 years-old. Somebody please PLEASE explain to me what would possess somebody do this...besides the obvious of having some rich guy buy you things and take you places. Is there any other reason, perhaps a logical, sane reason?

I'm open to any reasons the internet has to provide. Something that will give me pause before I totally go judgmental on her ass.

Hugs and Other Touchy Things

2008-06-18T09:04:00.002-05:00

I believe the human soul requires the body to be touched in loving gestures frequently. With my friends back in SLC I am extremely physically affectionate; I hug and kiss my friends on a regular basis. Not that silly standing-three-feet-away-lean-in-and-a-pat-on-the-back kind of hug or the one arm hug – I hate that one. I’m talking about a full five second hug. Just for note, five seconds is a good long time to invade somebody else’s space, go ahead and try it. Anyway, when I was home last week, I hugged every friend I saw and they were long hugs, because I felt like my soul had been deprived, hell I was even hugging my favorite bartenders. A few friends even commented on the voracity of the hug and I think I may have bruised a few. Sorry…ok, not really, oops unless I did actually cause some damage, then I am sorry.

Most of my friends are physically affectionate as well, for instance Lindsay jumped into my arms, wrapped her legs around me and held on for dear life when she saw me – very touching by the way, it makes me smile even now. Sometimes it struck me at odd moments, like my last night there, I was lounging in Johnny’s office while he was working and as I was leaving the room, I turned back around and walked over and kissed him on top of the head. Believe me I am very lucky that I have friends who will let me do these things to them. There are two people that I wished I had given a proper good-bye hug to, because car hugs are so awkward, but hopefully I will see them both soon so I’ll make up for it then.

My point is, here in Chicago, I don’t have people here that I can hug forcefully, passionately, longingly or emotionally. Last night after volleyball we went to our sponsor bar for dinner and drinks (mostly drinks) and as I was leaving I did give everybody hugs and they of course willingly returned them, but it just didn’t feel the same. I do know it takes time and I’m willing to wait. But let this serve as a warning that the next person who comes to see me is going to have to endure a very, very, very long hug!

Step Monster Stories

2008-06-18T08:42:00.002-05:00

Serious question, does anybody out there have any step-mother stories of note that they would like published in a book? Think Cinderella here folks. I know somebody who is putting together/editing a collection of stories about the worst step-mothers in the world, not unlike the Nanny Diaries and others like it. If you have or know of a friend who would like to submit any stories for consideration, please contact me at dnmtrx (at) yahoo (dot) com.

City Dwellers vs Suburbanites

2008-06-17T11:33:00.000-05:00

I have never been a suburbanite and for the foreseeable future I don’t plan on ever being a suburbanite. Don’t get me wrong I have no ill will toward the people who live in the ‘burbs, but there is a distinct difference between those who live in the city versus those who chose to live away from the hustle and bustle that a city offers it’s inhabitants. I totally understand the idea of living close to a major city but choosing not to be a full-time resident. Things like raising a family, affordability and moving away from congestion and higher crime. I however, choose the hordes of people and variety of city living. I could totally do with less crime though, couldn’t everybody?

What brings me to this point is that after living here for only a short while you can spot the subs in an instant. Sometimes it is subtle, others are more glaring characteristics, but either way there is a physical distinction between the two. Let’s break it down. Note: There are exceptions to every rule.

Clothing: While I wouldn’t say subs are ALL less fashionable, because let’s face it some people in the ‘burbs are loaded and do their shopping in upscale shops (mostly in the city) and have clothing tailored for a better fit. But the majority of the subs choose chain stores for shopping, which ultimately produce a frumpy look due to mass production and average sizing. Whereas in the city, you can find an alteration shop on most blocks and people in the city will have their clothes tailored for a better fit. Even though we buy off the rack and at chain stores, the clothing and total look is fitted and polished – for the most part. There are always exceptions…I have been known to be the exception sometimes.

Hair: This is very much the same as the clothing situation. It’s like West Valley vs Capitol Hill. If you’re from Utah you totally know what I’m talking about. Once again I can be the exception to this as well because I’m now dealing with humidity and naturally curly hair…ugh!

Stature: Subs just seem to be a little softer in the middle, if you catch my drift. Don’t mistake me, I am no size 4 super model (or are they now size 2?), but when you do more walking than driving your body gets toned and tighter. Your legs don’t jiggle anymore or at lest not as much. Of course people come in all shapes and sizes, I totally get that, it’s just different.

Accessories: Sometimes this difference is all you need! The difference between carrying your lunch/extra shoes/take home work in a plastic Target bag versus a Dooney & Burke leather tote pretty much makes my point. Not being a snob here, just pointing out what I see. For the record I do not own a D&B leather anything.

The reason I point out all these differences is because I get off the bus/train in the middle of downtown Chicago and walk 4 blocks west to my office. My office is directly east of two of the major commuter rail stations in Chicago. So while I’m heading west, the commuters from the ‘burbs are heading east. This happens all over downtown because the city rails (the “L”) and buses all come into the middle of downtown and the commuter rails come in on the outskirts of downtown. So every morning I am passing subs and noting the difference.

Since this blog is about my experiences in Chicago versus my experiences in SLC I just thought I would point this out. Do I ultimately have a point here? I don’t really know, but last week while I was in SLC, wearing something I had purchased here in Chicago and had altered to fit, I did get a lot of compliments...A LOT! So, either consciously or subconsciously I noted the difference and adopted the city dwelling lifestyle. Albeit without the D&B leather tote...someday!

Tweaked Knee, Four Painkillers and a Whole Lot of Deadliest Catch

2008-06-16T10:50:00.005-05:00

Since I spent a lot of Saturday walking through the River North Arts Festival and then walking approximately 2 miles home after drinking copious amounts of wine at afore mentioned arts festival I woke up on Sunday morning with a swollen and aching left knee. I had my knee cut open and put back together about 9 years ago, but sustained activity can still be cause for pain the day after…not unlike sustained drinking one day, leads to a hangover the next day.

Seeing has how my knee was going to hurt all day, I decided to have a lay-in on Sunday and I parked my knee (and my ass) on the couch, turned on Discovery Channel and much to my surprise was the entire re-broadcasting of the King Crab season of Deadliest Catch. I will admit to being attracted to the blue collar guys in this world, though I mostly date white collar, because we usually run in the same circles. Short of me visiting construction sites and drilling rigs on a regular basis I guess it will remain that way for now. So having an entire afternoon with my favorite guys in Alaska I was considering myself a happy girl. I made a pot of French press coffee, popped a painkiller and arranged the laptop, the pillow for my knee, the fleece for Sage to sleep on and the remote all for easy access from my comfortable viewing location. Needless to say after eight hours, two more painkillers and way too much coffee I was ready to get out of the house.

I ventured to the grocery store long enough to stock up on wine, which was getting precariously low at my house, but considering I can buy wine/liquor at the 7-11 on the corner it’s not that big of a nightmare should I run out. I avoided the sweets/candy aisle; picked up some more essentials and made it home in time to catch Ocean’s Thirteen on HBO and down one more painkiller.

All in all it wasn’t an exciting weekend, because sometimes you have to pay the price one day for fun the day before…which is what hangovers are all about.

Saturday in, where else, Chicago

2008-06-15T00:55:00.004-05:00

This afternoon I took a detour on my way to the River North Arts Festival and walked down Halsted to do some spring shopping. This took me past the Diversey/Halsted fire house. Seeing as how all the men on my co-ed volleyball team are all firefighters from this house, I figured it was inevitable that I would see at least one person I know. As I was walking toward the house the lights and sirens went off so I stopped at the edge of the driveway to let the engines leave. Engine 44 passed and a chorus of "Hey Doni" rang out.

I LOVE THIS CITY!