I will hopefully refrain from doing the following acts while high on the afore mentioned substances:
Stripping naked and running through the streets of Boystown in Chicago, because a) it's fucking cold outside and b) it's "boystown" nobody would care and it's almost a guarantee I won't get any offers, so why bother.
Calling/Texting old lovers - I think I already mentioned they are dead and stashed in my closet, hiding the batteries from my biological clock... so no worries there.
Blogging, using such silly words as "va-jay-jay" "abso-fucking-lutely" and "joe-the-plumber" oops, wait a minute I just did! Sorry!
Cranking the stereo and playing Katy Perry so loud it prompts my neighbor to call the authorities, who inevitably will find that I am high, will somehow assume it's illegal contraband, arrest me and thereby assure me a trip to the police station where I will then be required to a) strip naked and submit to a cavity search (OUCH!) and b) take a really horrendous mug shot, which will end up on Perez Hilton...oh wait I'm not a celebrity so no worries there.
OK, Internet, this is my promise to you. I will stay in my apartment, watch Made of Honor and behave myself! If you catch me doing any of the above, except for the blogging thing cause I fucked up there already, you have my permission to call the authorities. which will then of course ultimately make me do the last one and then we have a vicious circle!
7 comments:
You discovered the secret. Wine and cold meds.. with reminds me I've got to hit wine store before it closes.
Feel better!
Now that you have "stripped in my honor," I guess I can let anything else you do slide. {grin}
I am drinking a beer with my cold medicine, and am right there with you on staying inside and being good, away from my cell phone.
Take care of yourself babe!
What? No “hook up with your drunk ass degenerate downstairs neighbor”? That’s still on the table?
get well soon kitten (ewww I just gave my self the creeps)
Hey, I say you do all of the above listed. Why be normal? Why not be known as the crazy lady? And plus, the internet loves crazy.
Hope you are feeling better!
a) What's Boystown?
b) Watching Made of Honor should be illegal.
@Karen, Boystown is the where a lot of the gay bars/restaurants in Chicago are located, plus a lot of the gay population lives in my area.
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