Friday, March 6, 2009

Big Weekend

I am resolved that along with all my other chores planned for tomorrow to do the big birthday celebration, my cat getting a bath is very high on that list.
So far my list goes like this –
1. get up (most important obviously)
2. make coffee (this could actually be #1, but seeing as I have to complete #1 first, it has to be #2. Of course I could do the whole #1a and #1b, but I prefer simplicity)
3. BATH THE CAT! This of course should take up a good portion of my day, seeing a how he hates bath, but he really needs one.
After #3, I have drop off dry-cleaning and finish the laundry. Then I need to fit in a nap somewhere, because I have a long night ahead on Saturday. My girls are taking me out for dinner and then we'll meet up with the rest of the crew for a very late night. I'm hoping to remember to take pictures at some point!

I promise if we do take pictures I'll share.


Thursday, March 5, 2009

A Barbie I Can Admire

Seriously, the NASCAR Barbie I just can't understand, but come on a tattooed Barbie is just plain awesome!

I think mothers could use this as a tool for predicting the future escapades of their daughters. If the tattoos are to be placed on the Barbie by the little girls or boys who play with them, then the mothers could predict where their teenage daughters/sons might fall on the "purity" scale.

For instance, if little Janie (we'll call our little heroine Janie) places, say a butterfly, on Barbie's shoulder or ankle, then said mother really has nothing to worry about when her little girls grows up. She'll continue to be pure and chaste and remain a good little girl.

However, if little Janie starts placing tramp stamps, full sleeves and navel tattoos on her Barbie...said mother needs to start googling the nearest convents!

Monday, March 2, 2009

5 Things One Should Never Do....

If you're so stupidly drunk that you cannot even write your name.
1) Drive - Obviously!
2) Go to Work - this of course will get your ass fired, trust me on this one. (note - no I've never been fired for showing up to work drunk...just trust me)
3) Operate heavy machinery - yes this goes right along with driving, but there are times when you're so drunk that your house keys are so heavy you can't seem to keep hold of them. I include in this category almost anything that plugs in to an outlet or requires batteries...almost anything ;)
4) Go swimming - Really, I mean come on, this is pretty self explanatory, if you cannot walk a straight line, how in hell do you think you are going to keep you head above water in a pool/lake/river? I'm leaving out hot tubs, because I'm always game for hot tubs, just remember if you've had too much to drink, your hangover will feel worse in the morning, guaranteed!and you might think I'd say - drunk dialing an ex, but I won't, because there have been some very interesting interludes in my past with exes that involved a drunk dial, and well they make great stories.
5) Try to help the hysterical girl in the bathroom - She is obviously having some sort of emotional crisis, usually involving a guy. In fact if there is a girl crying hysterically in the bathroom of a club/bar IT ALWAYS INVOLVES A GUY! Trust me on this one...stay as far away as you can get, because you can only make the situation worse! TRUST ME!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My Five Biggest


1) Peanut M&Ms. Seriously I cannot turn these things down and a little weird fact is that I have to eat them in even numbers. I have a slight amount of OCD and it manifests itself in this way.

2) New shoes. I love new shoes and I wear high heels almost all the time. I realize that I'm already 6' tall, but I have no problem being even taller. It comes in handy in a crowded room when you're looking for your friends...or cute guys.

3) Baseball players and musicians. Especially pitchers and piano players! I don't know what it is specifically, but it's a power thing. Pitchers control the pace of a game and musicians have rhythm. Two very excellent qualities, umm yeah tennis.

4) Bourbon. It's not like I'm an alcoholic, but I love bourbon. Specifically bourbon on the rocks and I'm discovering more bourbons as I get older. Apparently there is something intriguing about a woman who drinks whiskey.

5) Animals. I can't help it, I'll take animals over kids anyday.

Friday, February 6, 2009

5 Reasons Why.....

My new Aluminum MacBook is better than a boyfriend:

1) He helps me shop. It's all online of course, but he never complains that I'm spending too much time obsessing over one specific pair of shoes.
2) He accessorizes well. The awesome pink cover I bought so my baby doesn't get scratched looks awesome.
3) He's portable. Seriously I can take this boy anywhere and I don't have to worry that he's over in the corner, drinking beer and basically being anti-social.
4) He doesn't cheat. He's password protected, so no floozy is going to take my boy for a spin.
5) Great Memory. I don't have to keep reminding him of all the little things about me: my favorite color, movie, memory, book, etc. He remembers everything!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


I just happened to pick up this book on Sunday at Borders...I was pleasantly surprised to see this review today!

This is essentially a book review, but it is a great social commentary on where sarcasm/snarkiness has taken an ugly turn. True sarcasm gets to the point without ever harming the subject, however the current and most popular use of sarcasm is used with malice and bitterness. Wit and sarcasm in a true sense is a very rare thing these days. Pseudo intellectuals using "sarcasm" to mask true feelings of hate, bigotry, insecurity and jealousy is all the rage these day. I find those who use sarcasm as a mask of insecurity and malice to be in need of a verbal bitch slap...and well, this book is pretty damn close it.

It's unfortunate that I know someone who uses this technique to try and cut others to the quick. It's unfortunate because she is so deeply involved and immersed in a close group of friends. It's unfortunate because I don't think she realizes how it makes her look to others. It's unfortunate because she's never realized the loss of friends and family is due to her use of snark. It's ugly, it's damaging and ultimately it's just plain rude!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


I have a date by the fireside tonight. What makes this date so blog worthy, is that I have never had a date that said, "Hey, it's going to be cold outside tonight, want to order in Chinese and watch a movie by the fireplace?" I mean sure, I've had dates that ended up by the fireplace, but never one where the fireplace was actually planned beforehand, at least that I'm aware of. The pre-planning aspect of all this is very much like buying the super-duper large box of condoms at Costco before the first date.

Don't mistake me, because it's really quite cute and with the temperatures in the single digits right now, I'm all looking forward to getting snuggled up next to the fireplace and watching a movie and eating take-out Chinese. Who knows, maybe he also made a Costco run today.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

This must be where I always go wrong.

I've never been good at handling that "first phone call" from a new guy. You know, you give your number to someone you meet out and about, they call, you chat and then you decide to meet up. Usually, the meet up is where things go wrong and you decide whether or not you want to continue seeing this person. This is how it's supposed to go right?

I'm usually a little stunted in my speech and cautious on the first phone calls because I have a strange sense of humor and if you don't know me, then well you'll never get it over a phone call, so therefore I remain casual and maybe a little aloof. Last night however was not the case.

After work I went home, changed into my gym clothes, hit the gym and then came back home to watch the Texas game. I was lounging on the couch and promptly fell into a deep sleep. The only reason I knew I had fallen asleep was due to the ringing phone and the fact that the game I'd been looking forward to was nearly half over. I glanced at the number, realized it was a Chicago area code and answered. Now mind you I was still half-asleep and I started to talk to the person on the other line. It took me nearly 5 minutes of babbling, a brief history of polygamy and not really understanding the conversation before I realized it was the guy I had met on New Year's Eve! I stopped him mid-conversation, told him the situation: that I had fallen asleep, been awakened by the phone and only now was I realizing who he was. He laughed and I asked him if he would be cool with starting the whole conversation over again. To which he replied, "Ring, ring." I answered, "Hello?" and the conversation went along beautifully after that. He even asked me out, which hopefully means he understands my sense of humor, because I was laughing and giggling the entire time.

I guess the next test is the first date, which is actually tonight so we'll see. Hopefully my spastic behavior can stay in check, and I really need an answer as to why we were discussing polygamy.