Friday, November 14, 2008

When Compliments are NOT!

Last night I met my friend Jill for drinks and appetizers at Tilli's. It's a great little place on Halsted and it has a cozy feel even though the whole place is quite large. There is a rectangular bar right up front, with three cute bartenders caged like rowdy dogs ready to lick you to death if you'd just let them out of the cage. They're cute, friendly, sassy and apparently speak a multitude of languages with the customers, one being drunken slurring I'm sure.

So I arrived a few minute before Jill and took a seat at the bar on the corner, near the door, but also near a table of three attractive guys, figuring that proximity wins! There was definitely a higher guy to girl ratio in the place, so I figured my odds were good that I would at least have some interesting conversation with someone of the opposite sex before Jill arrived. (Remember I'm trying to find a crush close to home here) Jill arrived and we proceeded to have drinks and appetizers over the next three hours and not one of the guys even bothered to say anything to us. Which is actually quite surprising in Chicago, because usually you can't get through one drink without somebody either saying hi, bumping into you, (guyspeak for, "Hey you're kinda cute!") or offering to buy you a drink.

Jill and I were finishing our last drink, the Jets were finishing off the Patriots and then she gives me the "look", you know the one that says, "OMG, don't look now, but there is something heading our way!" and not in the good way. Sure enough, up comes drunk guy with red wine stained teeth and the most horrible laugh you've ever heard. He's sloshing his red wine everywhere, bumping into both of us and trying to get us to talk to his table of guys into not leaving and going someplace else. He proceeds to ask us annoying questions and we made some comment about the game, to which he replies, "You're Patriots fans? What are you bitch-ass-hos!" My immediate reaction was "Oh no you did not just call us that!" Which of course I voiced, to the purple-teethed-tottering-asshole, then his cute friend came over to smooth things over because I was obviously enraged. Then the asshole tries to tell me it's a term of endearment! I politely gave him a lesson on terms of endearment one uses with A) people you just met B) women you're hoping to impress and C) anybody you hope to converse with at any point in the future beyond the present moment where you're digging yourself a very big hole!

We of course left, but I hope I made an impression that no matter how drunk you are, if you're hoping to approach a woman in the bar, any term of endearment using the words; bitch, ass or ho is not appropriate.


Summer said...

Sounds like we are both on a roll with great guys hitting on us! But of course your story totally wins. I HATE when sloppy sloppy drunk guys hit on you. Urgh! Is there anything worse? Oh, I guess being called a bitch-ass-ho would be worse. ;)

kel said...

Wait....calling someone a bitch-ass-ho is not a term of endearment? Guess this explains why I have no friends.

"The D" said...

These are the kind of kick-ass tips that I love about your blog.

It lets me know that there are some jack-asses out there that make the rest of us look good.

And for the record "Stank-beyotch" doesn't work either. At least that is what I'm told of course. I would never say that to a woman.

Princess Pointful said...

Bitch ass ho?
Welcome back to sophomore year, lame guy!

Latent Image said...

wait... bumping into a girl translates into "hi, your kinda cute?" since when?
I wonder what it means when you bump into a guy now...?