Thursday, August 14, 2008

Bringing Up the Rear

Walking in Chicago has numerous hazards, some of which I have pointed out in other posts, but I have discovered a new one, besides the crumbling sidewalks, the gaps in sidewalks that eat stilettos, the crazy drivers, rude pedestrians that take up more than their share of sidewalk, bicyclists who ride on the sidewalks and taxis who don’t care if you’re crossing the street, my new one is the loss of my ass!

I have never had a lot of junk in the trunk…ok, I’ve never had ANY junk in the trunk, but now I have even less, it’s like a fire sale on my ass EVERYTHING MUST GO! All this walking has made my nearly non-existent ass, non-existent, only enhanced more by the dress I’m wearing today. I thought I looked pretty good going out of the house today, but I caught my profile in the glass of a building and thought – “Oh great, I seem to have left my ass in the jeans I wore last night.”

Note to self: incorporate more squats into daily routine.

13 comments:

Sarah Bellum said...

What I wouldn't give to have this problem!

Karen said...

If I could give you some of mine, I would....believe me.

Fiesty Charlie said...

I have always had to wear mens jeans, because I suffer from the no ass syndrome... I am not complaining!

I am sure your ass is just lovely....

LOL

"The D" said...

Squats, hills, and stairs. will cure this problem. In no time you'll be work in a badonk-a-donk.

Laura said...

Squats, butt pads, cheeseburgers, whatever.

As long as it hasn't gone concave, you're good.

Princess Pointful said...

However much I may miss my early college years body, the thing I don't miss is my lack of an ass. I swear it used to indent in!

Lucy said...

I wish I had the no-ass problem. Instead I'm a huge fan of J-Lo because she made big booties popular! :)

Summer said...

Oh Honey I fell ya! My family has always teased me for a lack of an ass. And for some reason I can grow thighs, but not a bootie! And loosing weight...its the first thing to go!

Oh, and next time you come to the beehive state, let's get a drink or something! Is that weird that I just posted that?

Salt City Mistress said...

I love all you ladies, your comments kill me! Believe me I would kill to be able to move half of my chest into the trunk!

Nilsa S. said...

Not meaning to laugh at your situation, but ... as I was looking for wedding day lingerie, I saw a pair of underwear that supposedly lifts and shapes your booty. A small investment for a better body image?

Bayjb said...

Wow I'll have to check Craigslist for a missing ass. Thanks for the heads up. I have to say, since I moved here, mine got a nicer shape, not bigger just shaplier and I am LOVING it.

Helmey said...

Lots o suggestions but I have the answer…have someone beat your butt with one of those homo-erotic fraternity ass paddles. It should swell up nicely…not that I would know or anything…

Felicity said...

I too am a victim of the no-ass syndrome. But you do have some amazing hair...and wickedly cool humor! Seriously, how many shoes have to die for ridiculously poorly made sidewalks. It's a tragedy.