Monday, October 13, 2008

Baby Mama!

My one fear of heading home to SLC in a few weeks for a visit is the pure fact that pregnancy is contagious in Utah! I have two friends who are currently pregnant, one of which is my VeryBFF's girlfriend, who is also a BFF! <--See how we keep it all in the family! I swear it's something in the water in SLC, I think instead of fluoride they put in fertility drugs to keep the population boom humming right along. You all remember that report a few months back about drugs in the municipal water system...yep, in Utah they were fertility drugs! OK, just kidding, it was Prozac, and we all know how Utah loves its Prozac.

Lately, it seems pregnancy and ticking clocks comes up a lot in conversation. Don't get me wrong, my clock has been dead for awhile now, because I purposefully hid the batteries under the skeletons and remains of past lovers in my closet! Wait aren't the skeletons the actual remains of past lovers anyway? Or are skeletons the ghosts of misdeeds and the remains are just that - freeze dried corpses left to rot and never be heard from again? (Hmm, will definitely have to ponder this one a bit)

I digress, as I am known to do, in the last month I have had no less than two attractive, fine specimens of the male half of the species ever so delicately (i.e., bluntly smack me across the face with a dead fish) ask me if I would consider having a genetically superior child with them. This is nothing new of course because I am tall and athletic, survival of the fittest and all, but it made me realize that if the human species suddenly digressed back into animalistic behavior and caveman tactics, where procreation and coupling were based on physical prowess and athletic characteristics...then I'd be an alpha female and have one very worked over vagina!

5 comments:

kel said...

I think you should have a baby to curb my baby hunger. Oh, and then I'll need you to move here to SD so I can play with the baby. Don't worry, you can stay in the guest room as long as you need to. I'll make sure BF doesn't burry you under a pile of clothes.

Summer said...

"I purposefully hid the batteries under the skeletons and remains of past lovers in my closet!"

OMG! That is the best description I have ever heard! I can completely relate. At least you are only visiting, living here is brutal. Luckily my family has all given up on me, because as I am sure you know, I am a lost cause.

Kristy said...

Oh I don't think the baby craze is relegated to Salt Lake. Pretty sure everyone I know either has a baby (or two) or is pregnant. Americans have gone baby bonkers--for evidence look for the latest Brooke Shields car ad that jokes that people are buying the car so they'll have an excuse to have a child. Yikes! Sometimes I want to jump on the bandwagon, other times I want to drive it right off the road. :)

Latent Image said...

You mean to tell me were not in the caveman era when it comes to selecting mates?
this changes everything

Princess Pointful said...

This speaks well to your genetic appeal, at the very least...
Babies still scare me more than a little.