I will hopefully refrain from doing the following acts while high on the afore mentioned substances:
Stripping naked and running through the streets of Boystown in Chicago, because a) it's fucking cold outside and b) it's "boystown" nobody would care and it's almost a guarantee I won't get any offers, so why bother.
Calling/Texting old lovers - I think I already mentioned they are dead and stashed in my closet, hiding the batteries from my biological clock... so no worries there.
Blogging, using such silly words as "va-jay-jay" "abso-fucking-lutely" and "joe-the-plumber" oops, wait a minute I just did! Sorry!
Cranking the stereo and playing Katy Perry so loud it prompts my neighbor to call the authorities, who inevitably will find that I am high, will somehow assume it's illegal contraband, arrest me and thereby assure me a trip to the police station where I will then be required to a) strip naked and submit to a cavity search (OUCH!) and b) take a really horrendous mug shot, which will end up on Perez Hilton...oh wait I'm not a celebrity so no worries there.
OK, Internet, this is my promise to you. I will stay in my apartment, watch Made of Honor and behave myself! If you catch me doing any of the above, except for the blogging thing cause I fucked up there already, you have my permission to call the authorities. which will then of course ultimately make me do the last one and then we have a vicious circle!