Thursday, July 24, 2008

Noisy Neighbor Update

For those of you following along with the Noisy Neighbor, I give you Sunday.

After I was stood up on Sunday, I decided I might as well get some wash done. I got in the elevator to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer and the elevator stopped one floor below mine. A guy gets on and by the not-so-gentle swaying of his entire body, I can tell he's pretty much plastered. It's still early in the evening so this is a bit surprising. He turns to me and says, "Hey, I know you. I've seen you on the bus." He continues on in his one act monologue and I just stare at him, quite amused, because even though I just typed - "Hey, I know you. I've seen you on the bus.", what I really heard was "Heeeeeeyyyyyy, I knooowwwwyooouuu. I've ssseeennn yooouuuonnndabusss." <--this is why I'm staring at him highly amused. I figure he really needs no encouragement from me. He asks me which floor I live on, to which I reply a completely different floor than the one I do live on, then he tells me his apartment number. Imagine my surprise when it turns out to be the apartment right below mine! Yes, ladies and gentleman, we have finally met the man who likes his girls loud! Now I am very much amused by this whole situation, unable to hide the smile on my face. He tells me he's going to go out and have a smoke as if I'm supposed to wait for him and then it starts to dawn on me, I think my Noisy Neighbor has misread the smile on my face. We part and I go in the laundry room to switch the loads, figuring if I hurry I can beat him back into the elevator. No such luck...and this is where the story takes a decidedly creepy twist.

Just as the elevator door is opening, in comes the Noisy Neighbor, staggering wildly through the door asking me to hold the elevator. Though I can sometimes be thoughtless, I'm not mean, so I hold the door. On the ride up, Noisy Neighbor is swaying just a bit more with the nicotine now coursing through his already alcohol infused veins, and he's starting to invade my space. I back myself up against the wall while drunkie here is running through his mental dictionary trying to match enough words together to form a pick-up line. He's getting closer and I'm getting a little concerned that this guy is going to push it just a bit too far. As the elevator is opening on his floor, he turns to me and says in his best 70's swinger voice "Would you like to come in for a drink." and then the fucker winked, it was too much. I busted up laughing, nearly dropping the wet, non-dryables from the washer and then I realized there was a guy standing in the open door. Noisy Neighbor gave me one last wistful...ok, drunken look before stumbling out of the door and the next guy got on. He asked what that was all about and commented that it looked like he had gotten on at the right time. I gave him a quick rundown and thanked him for his perfect timing.

I laughed all the way back to my apartment and after meeting Noisy Neighbor...I am now absolutely positive she was faking it!


Kim said...

Your story cracked me up. I hate drunk nasty guys like that.

littlemansmom said...

wink wink..nudge nudge..oh I'm sorry, had the elevator not come to a full stop before I pushed you through? Well, the door WAS open! LOL....

But seriously, where do these guys get the nerve I ask ya!

(I'm not usually this mean...I think I'm just

Lucy said...


We are so happy to be here in Chicago and since it has been in the high 90s lately in Nashville, we are EXTRA happy to be here!

Bayjb said...

That is hilarious. And so coincidental. I love swaying and wicked slurring. So fun.

Princess Pointful said...

Ahhh! Too funny! Although a little less so when you realize you may have to re-encounter this piece of work again!