So this is my horoscope for today:
Resist the urge to share too much about yourself -- people could get overwhelmed.
In the way of fortunes it's pretty insightful, but not very inspiring. So I've been racking my brain trying to figure out if I was yearning to tell everybody something about me that would qualify as T.M.I. and that somehow today's fortune knew it and was trying to warn me against it and it totally reminded me of stories from my teenage years. Those of you who read this blog and are or were Mormon, prepare yourselves.
When I was a teenager and still trying desperately to portray the image of a good Mormon girl (because let's face it when you grow up in small town Utah, you're either Mormon or you're nobody) all the church teachers would talk about getting your patriarchial blessing. For those of you non-mormons reading this it's like a really long fortune, dictated by really old white men...only without the stale chinese cookie. Anyway, they would say it could either serve as a guide or a warning and they would tell you about the horror stories of those girls who were wild; and when they got their blessing it was full of all sorts of warnings and cautions, because God knew you were bad (cue scary organ music)! Seeing as how the church doesn't teach females anything except be a good wife and mother and heed your patriarchial blessing, I was fucked!
I knew at an early age I didn't believe it, but I was trying so desperately to make everybody else think I believed it because I wanted so very much to belong. But I knew enough to stop pretending in my late teens, thus I never did get my patriarchial blessing. I can guarantee you it would not have been filled with a receipe for Fat Mama's Knock You Naked Margaritas, for that you have to go to The Sweet Potato Queen's Book of Love!