Monday, July 7, 2008

Proximity and Promiscuity

My downstairs neighbor has a new girlfriend. Having never met my downstairs neighbor you might be wondering how I know he has a new girlfriend. This is a very valid question and here is my answer.

Since moving into my new apartment five months ago I have discovered certain things:
1) Cooking anything will set the smoke detector/CO2 detector off.
2) The 2nd elevator will never get fixed.
3) Doing laundry requires perfect timing to beat the rush on Sunday.
4) The water pressure never gets more than a hearty trickle.
And finally
5) The walls and floors are very thin; which brings me to the title of this post.

For the last five months I have overheard various exchanges within separate apartments as I’m passing by in the hallway: cats and dogs, birds, burps, fights, music, movies, morning alarms and sneezes. Numerous times I have heard my downstairs neighbor’s too loud stereo and television. Consequently, the only sound I’ve heard coming from the bedroom area has been very masculine snoring. However, for the last week the noise level from the bedroom has definitely ramped up! The moans and screaming have both kept me awake and awaken me. This morning’s caterwauling at 5:30 AM was not nice! I can forgive the weekend session; I mean really who doesn’t like a little on the weekends or a lot for that matter, but seriously at 5:30 AM on a MONDAY! The verbal emanations like those of a poorly acted porn movie were bad enough (then again aren’t all porn movies bad acting?), but the force of the bed hitting the wall vibrating up into my bedroom is where I draw the line.

I have decided to drop a note to the neighbor…I’m just not sure how to word it?

A reader posted this link and after checking it out, I definitely have an idea of the note I will be writing. Thanks Vicki. Stay tuned.


Nilsa S. said...

Ahhh, communal living. Isn't it great?!

A note to the neighbor ... how about:

GET A ROOM {and list local hotels with hourly rates)?


lindsay said...

i had the same problem with the girl downstairs this year. it was really fake lame moaning too.her sister recently moved into the small one bedroom with her. so maybe you find some relative of your downstairs lothario that needs a place to live. should you succeed the bad porn reel and moaning will most certainly cease.

Vicki Jane said...

there are some great letters on that you could adapt for this very occasion. Something along the lines of thanking him very much for the early morning wakeup call and congratulating him for his stamana!