I am resolved that along with all my other chores planned for tomorrow to do the big birthday celebration, my cat getting a bath is very high on that list.
So far my list goes like this –
1. get up (most important obviously)
2. make coffee (this could actually be #1, but seeing as I have to complete #1 first, it has to be #2. Of course I could do the whole #1a and #1b, but I prefer simplicity)
3. BATH THE CAT! This of course should take up a good portion of my day, seeing a how he hates bath, but he really needs one.
After #3, I have drop off dry-cleaning and finish the laundry. Then I need to fit in a nap somewhere, because I have a long night ahead on Saturday. My girls are taking me out for dinner and then we'll meet up with the rest of the crew for a very late night. I'm hoping to remember to take pictures at some point!
I promise if we do take pictures I'll share.
Cheers!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
A Barbie I Can Admire
http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/92343?fp=1
Seriously, the NASCAR Barbie I just can't understand, but come on a tattooed Barbie is just plain awesome!
I think mothers could use this as a tool for predicting the future escapades of their daughters. If the tattoos are to be placed on the Barbie by the little girls or boys who play with them, then the mothers could predict where their teenage daughters/sons might fall on the "purity" scale.
For instance, if little Janie (we'll call our little heroine Janie) places, say a butterfly, on Barbie's shoulder or ankle, then said mother really has nothing to worry about when her little girls grows up. She'll continue to be pure and chaste and remain a good little girl.
However, if little Janie starts placing tramp stamps, full sleeves and navel tattoos on her Barbie...said mother needs to start googling the nearest convents!
Seriously, the NASCAR Barbie I just can't understand, but come on a tattooed Barbie is just plain awesome!
I think mothers could use this as a tool for predicting the future escapades of their daughters. If the tattoos are to be placed on the Barbie by the little girls or boys who play with them, then the mothers could predict where their teenage daughters/sons might fall on the "purity" scale.
For instance, if little Janie (we'll call our little heroine Janie) places, say a butterfly, on Barbie's shoulder or ankle, then said mother really has nothing to worry about when her little girls grows up. She'll continue to be pure and chaste and remain a good little girl.
However, if little Janie starts placing tramp stamps, full sleeves and navel tattoos on her Barbie...said mother needs to start googling the nearest convents!
Monday, March 2, 2009
5 Things One Should Never Do....
If you're so stupidly drunk that you cannot even write your name.
1) Drive - Obviously!
2) Go to Work - this of course will get your ass fired, trust me on this one. (note - no I've never been fired for showing up to work drunk...just trust me)
3) Operate heavy machinery - yes this goes right along with driving, but there are times when you're so drunk that your house keys are so heavy you can't seem to keep hold of them. I include in this category almost anything that plugs in to an outlet or requires batteries...almost anything ;)
4) Go swimming - Really, I mean come on, this is pretty self explanatory, if you cannot walk a straight line, how in hell do you think you are going to keep you head above water in a pool/lake/river? I'm leaving out hot tubs, because I'm always game for hot tubs, just remember if you've had too much to drink, your hangover will feel worse in the morning, guaranteed!and lastly...now you might think I'd say - drunk dialing an ex, but I won't, because there have been some very interesting interludes in my past with exes that involved a drunk dial, and well they make great stories.
5) Try to help the hysterical girl in the bathroom - She is obviously having some sort of emotional crisis, usually involving a guy. In fact if there is a girl crying hysterically in the bathroom of a club/bar IT ALWAYS INVOLVES A GUY! Trust me on this one...stay as far away as you can get, because you can only make the situation worse! TRUST ME!
1) Drive - Obviously!
2) Go to Work - this of course will get your ass fired, trust me on this one. (note - no I've never been fired for showing up to work drunk...just trust me)
3) Operate heavy machinery - yes this goes right along with driving, but there are times when you're so drunk that your house keys are so heavy you can't seem to keep hold of them. I include in this category almost anything that plugs in to an outlet or requires batteries...almost anything ;)
4) Go swimming - Really, I mean come on, this is pretty self explanatory, if you cannot walk a straight line, how in hell do you think you are going to keep you head above water in a pool/lake/river? I'm leaving out hot tubs, because I'm always game for hot tubs, just remember if you've had too much to drink, your hangover will feel worse in the morning, guaranteed!and lastly...now you might think I'd say - drunk dialing an ex, but I won't, because there have been some very interesting interludes in my past with exes that involved a drunk dial, and well they make great stories.
5) Try to help the hysterical girl in the bathroom - She is obviously having some sort of emotional crisis, usually involving a guy. In fact if there is a girl crying hysterically in the bathroom of a club/bar IT ALWAYS INVOLVES A GUY! Trust me on this one...stay as far away as you can get, because you can only make the situation worse! TRUST ME!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
My Five Biggest
Weaknesss:
1) Peanut M&Ms. Seriously I cannot turn these things down and a little weird fact is that I have to eat them in even numbers. I have a slight amount of OCD and it manifests itself in this way.
2) New shoes. I love new shoes and I wear high heels almost all the time. I realize that I'm already 6' tall, but I have no problem being even taller. It comes in handy in a crowded room when you're looking for your friends...or cute guys.
3) Baseball players and musicians. Especially pitchers and piano players! I don't know what it is specifically, but it's a power thing. Pitchers control the pace of a game and musicians have rhythm. Two very excellent qualities in....tennis, umm yeah tennis.
4) Bourbon. It's not like I'm an alcoholic, but I love bourbon. Specifically bourbon on the rocks and I'm discovering more bourbons as I get older. Apparently there is something intriguing about a woman who drinks whiskey.
5) Animals. I can't help it, I'll take animals over kids anyday.
1) Peanut M&Ms. Seriously I cannot turn these things down and a little weird fact is that I have to eat them in even numbers. I have a slight amount of OCD and it manifests itself in this way.
2) New shoes. I love new shoes and I wear high heels almost all the time. I realize that I'm already 6' tall, but I have no problem being even taller. It comes in handy in a crowded room when you're looking for your friends...or cute guys.
3) Baseball players and musicians. Especially pitchers and piano players! I don't know what it is specifically, but it's a power thing. Pitchers control the pace of a game and musicians have rhythm. Two very excellent qualities in....tennis, umm yeah tennis.
4) Bourbon. It's not like I'm an alcoholic, but I love bourbon. Specifically bourbon on the rocks and I'm discovering more bourbons as I get older. Apparently there is something intriguing about a woman who drinks whiskey.
5) Animals. I can't help it, I'll take animals over kids anyday.
Friday, February 6, 2009
5 Reasons Why.....
My new Aluminum MacBook is better than a boyfriend:
1) He helps me shop. It's all online of course, but he never complains that I'm spending too much time obsessing over one specific pair of shoes.
2) He accessorizes well. The awesome pink cover I bought so my baby doesn't get scratched looks awesome.
3) He's portable. Seriously I can take this boy anywhere and I don't have to worry that he's over in the corner, drinking beer and basically being anti-social.
4) He doesn't cheat. He's password protected, so no floozy is going to take my boy for a spin.
5) Great Memory. I don't have to keep reminding him of all the little things about me: my favorite color, movie, memory, book, etc. He remembers everything!
1) He helps me shop. It's all online of course, but he never complains that I'm spending too much time obsessing over one specific pair of shoes.
2) He accessorizes well. The awesome pink cover I bought so my baby doesn't get scratched looks awesome.
3) He's portable. Seriously I can take this boy anywhere and I don't have to worry that he's over in the corner, drinking beer and basically being anti-social.
4) He doesn't cheat. He's password protected, so no floozy is going to take my boy for a spin.
5) Great Memory. I don't have to keep reminding him of all the little things about me: my favorite color, movie, memory, book, etc. He remembers everything!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Snark
Snark
I just happened to pick up this book on Sunday at Borders...I was pleasantly surprised to see this review today!
This is essentially a book review, but it is a great social commentary on where sarcasm/snarkiness has taken an ugly turn. True sarcasm gets to the point without ever harming the subject, however the current and most popular use of sarcasm is used with malice and bitterness. Wit and sarcasm in a true sense is a very rare thing these days. Pseudo intellectuals using "sarcasm" to mask true feelings of hate, bigotry, insecurity and jealousy is all the rage these day. I find those who use sarcasm as a mask of insecurity and malice to be in need of a verbal bitch slap...and well, this book is pretty damn close it.
It's unfortunate that I know someone who uses this technique to try and cut others to the quick. It's unfortunate because she is so deeply involved and immersed in a close group of friends. It's unfortunate because I don't think she realizes how it makes her look to others. It's unfortunate because she's never realized the loss of friends and family is due to her use of snark. It's ugly, it's damaging and ultimately it's just plain rude!
I just happened to pick up this book on Sunday at Borders...I was pleasantly surprised to see this review today!
This is essentially a book review, but it is a great social commentary on where sarcasm/snarkiness has taken an ugly turn. True sarcasm gets to the point without ever harming the subject, however the current and most popular use of sarcasm is used with malice and bitterness. Wit and sarcasm in a true sense is a very rare thing these days. Pseudo intellectuals using "sarcasm" to mask true feelings of hate, bigotry, insecurity and jealousy is all the rage these day. I find those who use sarcasm as a mask of insecurity and malice to be in need of a verbal bitch slap...and well, this book is pretty damn close it.
It's unfortunate that I know someone who uses this technique to try and cut others to the quick. It's unfortunate because she is so deeply involved and immersed in a close group of friends. It's unfortunate because I don't think she realizes how it makes her look to others. It's unfortunate because she's never realized the loss of friends and family is due to her use of snark. It's ugly, it's damaging and ultimately it's just plain rude!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Fireside
I have a date by the fireside tonight. What makes this date so blog worthy, is that I have never had a date that said, "Hey, it's going to be cold outside tonight, want to order in Chinese and watch a movie by the fireplace?" I mean sure, I've had dates that ended up by the fireplace, but never one where the fireplace was actually planned beforehand, at least that I'm aware of. The pre-planning aspect of all this is very much like buying the super-duper large box of condoms at Costco before the first date.
Don't mistake me, because it's really quite cute and with the temperatures in the single digits right now, I'm all looking forward to getting snuggled up next to the fireplace and watching a movie and eating take-out Chinese. Who knows, maybe he also made a Costco run today.
Don't mistake me, because it's really quite cute and with the temperatures in the single digits right now, I'm all looking forward to getting snuggled up next to the fireplace and watching a movie and eating take-out Chinese. Who knows, maybe he also made a Costco run today.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
This must be where I always go wrong.
I've never been good at handling that "first phone call" from a new guy. You know, you give your number to someone you meet out and about, they call, you chat and then you decide to meet up. Usually, the meet up is where things go wrong and you decide whether or not you want to continue seeing this person. This is how it's supposed to go right?
I'm usually a little stunted in my speech and cautious on the first phone calls because I have a strange sense of humor and if you don't know me, then well you'll never get it over a phone call, so therefore I remain casual and maybe a little aloof. Last night however was not the case.
After work I went home, changed into my gym clothes, hit the gym and then came back home to watch the Texas game. I was lounging on the couch and promptly fell into a deep sleep. The only reason I knew I had fallen asleep was due to the ringing phone and the fact that the game I'd been looking forward to was nearly half over. I glanced at the number, realized it was a Chicago area code and answered. Now mind you I was still half-asleep and I started to talk to the person on the other line. It took me nearly 5 minutes of babbling, a brief history of polygamy and not really understanding the conversation before I realized it was the guy I had met on New Year's Eve! I stopped him mid-conversation, told him the situation: that I had fallen asleep, been awakened by the phone and only now was I realizing who he was. He laughed and I asked him if he would be cool with starting the whole conversation over again. To which he replied, "Ring, ring." I answered, "Hello?" and the conversation went along beautifully after that. He even asked me out, which hopefully means he understands my sense of humor, because I was laughing and giggling the entire time.
I guess the next test is the first date, which is actually tonight so we'll see. Hopefully my spastic behavior can stay in check, and I really need an answer as to why we were discussing polygamy.
I'm usually a little stunted in my speech and cautious on the first phone calls because I have a strange sense of humor and if you don't know me, then well you'll never get it over a phone call, so therefore I remain casual and maybe a little aloof. Last night however was not the case.
After work I went home, changed into my gym clothes, hit the gym and then came back home to watch the Texas game. I was lounging on the couch and promptly fell into a deep sleep. The only reason I knew I had fallen asleep was due to the ringing phone and the fact that the game I'd been looking forward to was nearly half over. I glanced at the number, realized it was a Chicago area code and answered. Now mind you I was still half-asleep and I started to talk to the person on the other line. It took me nearly 5 minutes of babbling, a brief history of polygamy and not really understanding the conversation before I realized it was the guy I had met on New Year's Eve! I stopped him mid-conversation, told him the situation: that I had fallen asleep, been awakened by the phone and only now was I realizing who he was. He laughed and I asked him if he would be cool with starting the whole conversation over again. To which he replied, "Ring, ring." I answered, "Hello?" and the conversation went along beautifully after that. He even asked me out, which hopefully means he understands my sense of humor, because I was laughing and giggling the entire time.
I guess the next test is the first date, which is actually tonight so we'll see. Hopefully my spastic behavior can stay in check, and I really need an answer as to why we were discussing polygamy.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Crazy Season
It has been so nuts around here I haven't had time to think let alone put my thoughts into actual words and some sort of cohesion!
I wanted to wish everybody a Happy Holidays and a very Merry New Year! I'll be getting Merry with my friends and enjoying the holidays here in Chicago and it's very strange for me to be away from my family and I know they feel the same. This year I just couldn't find the enthusiasm to go "home" to Utah for the season. Many things have changed there and Chicago now feels like home, except without the presence of my mom and sister.
In a surprise twist that I'm sure my mother and sister are still shaking their heads about is the fact that I'm actually cooking for the holiday! That's right, the girl that doesn't even like to bother making toast is cooking: ham, roast and funeral potatoes for friends on Christmas day. Of course this is also the girl that does not own a kitchen table or enough chairs and plates for everybody, but we'll make do.
Cheers to all, be careful of all that eggnog, it adds pounds faster than fruitcake. Watch out for flying reindeer, those hooves are sharp as fuck. Don't sit on Santa's lap, because let's face it, after 8 years-old it's downright creepy!
I wanted to wish everybody a Happy Holidays and a very Merry New Year! I'll be getting Merry with my friends and enjoying the holidays here in Chicago and it's very strange for me to be away from my family and I know they feel the same. This year I just couldn't find the enthusiasm to go "home" to Utah for the season. Many things have changed there and Chicago now feels like home, except without the presence of my mom and sister.
In a surprise twist that I'm sure my mother and sister are still shaking their heads about is the fact that I'm actually cooking for the holiday! That's right, the girl that doesn't even like to bother making toast is cooking: ham, roast and funeral potatoes for friends on Christmas day. Of course this is also the girl that does not own a kitchen table or enough chairs and plates for everybody, but we'll make do.
Cheers to all, be careful of all that eggnog, it adds pounds faster than fruitcake. Watch out for flying reindeer, those hooves are sharp as fuck. Don't sit on Santa's lap, because let's face it, after 8 years-old it's downright creepy!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Holiday Mood!
One could argue that without children, Christmas just isn't anything speical these days. I'm one of those "singles" out there, that enjoys the holidays with friends and family and various activities designed strictly for the adult crowd. This last weekend my friends and I participated in a Twelve Bars of Christmas dressed in our holiday finest and proceeded to drink and "crawl" our way through Chicago.
A few years ago, I convinced some Salt Lake friends to participate in a Santa Pub Crawl. I made some costumes and we joined a group of revelers and hit the town. Throughout the years it proceeded with more friends, crazier costumes and culminated last year in me convincing a huge group of friends to create our own crawl. This year I was very happy to discover Chicago does a multitude of crawls, "Ugliest Holiday Sweater" "Santa Con" "TBOX" and the "Twelve Bars of Christmas". I had no problem convincing my girls here to let me make some costumes and join the crawl.
We started at 3pm on Saturday and by the time we had covered ten of the twelve bars on the list, returned to meet up with some guys we'd met earlier at another bar and finally make my way home it was 3am! I find that I am getting better at sustained drinking, limiting myself to one drink per hour and then finally cutting myself off about 10pm. I met some new friends and had a blast with old friends. Our costumes were a total success and we've decided to do another crawl on the 20th. Got to keep that holiday spirit going!
Behold I give you our Santa Pub Crawl:
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Five Reasons.....
Five reasons why I won't be able to shop for a new Holiday cocktail dress this weekend:
1) It's cold outside.
2) It's the Kris Kringle Crawl on Saturday, which means all day drinking and crawling (bar crawl, not on my actual knees)! Oh and The Professor's B-day celebration that night. Hopefully she won't mind if I stop by dressed in red velvet and white fur, already sufficiently liquored up enough to be friendly to everybody. Repeat after me - I drink to be friendly.
3) It's REALLY COLD outside!
4) Sunday Funday is already booked and when brunch starts at noon, it's an all day drinking and football affair and there is absolutely no way I can have an opinion on a cocktail dress when I'm seeing double. I might end up buying a dress that makes me look like an extra for Pink Elephants on Parade.
5) It is FUCKING COLD OUTSIDE!
Ok, now that I have gotten that out of my system, I promise I will not whine about the cold anymore this year. However January and February of 2009 are not included in that deal. You have now been warned.
1) It's cold outside.
2) It's the Kris Kringle Crawl on Saturday, which means all day drinking and crawling (bar crawl, not on my actual knees)! Oh and The Professor's B-day celebration that night. Hopefully she won't mind if I stop by dressed in red velvet and white fur, already sufficiently liquored up enough to be friendly to everybody. Repeat after me - I drink to be friendly.
3) It's REALLY COLD outside!
4) Sunday Funday is already booked and when brunch starts at noon, it's an all day drinking and football affair and there is absolutely no way I can have an opinion on a cocktail dress when I'm seeing double. I might end up buying a dress that makes me look like an extra for Pink Elephants on Parade.
5) It is FUCKING COLD OUTSIDE!
Ok, now that I have gotten that out of my system, I promise I will not whine about the cold anymore this year. However January and February of 2009 are not included in that deal. You have now been warned.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I Really Am Funny!
Today I used the following expression "I was wandering the halls of my mind, but I was distracted by the clicking of my heels." Holy shit I have never had such a big laugh in my life! And it came from a table full of MBAs. - Total score!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Waxing Religious....for a brief moment.
I just happened to read this article about the "War on Christmas" and then I read this one earlier from my hometown newspaper. The one question I have is when did all this happen? When did "we" start to perceive somebody's lack of saying "Merry Christmas" as anti-christian? I do remember all the to-do a few years ago about the official White House "Holiday" card not containing the word "Christmas" but when did it get to be such an issue? I always assumed that as a society we collectively became smarter, I guess I was wrong. It boggles my mind that people are setting battle lines based on this issue.
For one thing, there are many more faiths out there than just Christian, who celebrate a holiday in December; Hanukkah, Kwanza, Winter Solstice anybody? Not to mention the Hajj starts in Dec, there is also Eid-Ul-Adha and Al-Hijira...if you ask me the Muslims have this month down, just based on the number of recognized holidays!
Second, doesn't Santa say "Merry Christmas"? I mean isn't that his line right after Ho, Ho, Ho? And didn't the Christians wage a war on Santa a few years ago? If you really want to get technical, Santa has nothing to do whatsoever with the Christ is Christmas. Just saying!
Third, (and lastly) if you ask me the way most people celebrate Christmas has very little-to-nothing to do with what Christmas is really supposed to mean to Christians anyway. I understand the gift giving as symbolic of the Wise Men, but that's about it right? I'm pretty sure the Wise Men, if they were still around, wouldn't be sleeping outside a Wal-Mart on Thanksgiving, waiting to rush the doors at 5AM and trample to death a 28 year-old employee or stab an 18 year-old teenager to get the last $299 laptop!
If that's your idea of Christmas, then go ahead and say Merry Christmas all you want, I'll stay clear thanks.
My whole point is, if you say Merry Christmas to me and I say, "Thanks, Happy Holidays to you!" Please don't be offended, let me have my holidays, all of them how I choose to have them. You are more than welcome to your idea of Christmas, whatever that may be, and I'll never judge you for it.
For one thing, there are many more faiths out there than just Christian, who celebrate a holiday in December; Hanukkah, Kwanza, Winter Solstice anybody? Not to mention the Hajj starts in Dec, there is also Eid-Ul-Adha and Al-Hijira...if you ask me the Muslims have this month down, just based on the number of recognized holidays!
Second, doesn't Santa say "Merry Christmas"? I mean isn't that his line right after Ho, Ho, Ho? And didn't the Christians wage a war on Santa a few years ago? If you really want to get technical, Santa has nothing to do whatsoever with the Christ is Christmas. Just saying!
Third, (and lastly) if you ask me the way most people celebrate Christmas has very little-to-nothing to do with what Christmas is really supposed to mean to Christians anyway. I understand the gift giving as symbolic of the Wise Men, but that's about it right? I'm pretty sure the Wise Men, if they were still around, wouldn't be sleeping outside a Wal-Mart on Thanksgiving, waiting to rush the doors at 5AM and trample to death a 28 year-old employee or stab an 18 year-old teenager to get the last $299 laptop!
If that's your idea of Christmas, then go ahead and say Merry Christmas all you want, I'll stay clear thanks.
My whole point is, if you say Merry Christmas to me and I say, "Thanks, Happy Holidays to you!" Please don't be offended, let me have my holidays, all of them how I choose to have them. You are more than welcome to your idea of Christmas, whatever that may be, and I'll never judge you for it.
Monday, December 1, 2008
A Funny Feeling
This morning I left the house without my phone and it wasn't until I was almost at my office that I realized it. The funny feeling was this - I feel like I've left my house wearing a flouncy dress and I have forgotten to put on underwear!
I realize most of us have attachments to our phones; they are the lifelines to our friends and family when we're out and about living our daily lives. But we've become so attached that when we forget them somewhere, they lose battery life, we leave them in a taxi or drop them in a gin and tonic, we feel naked. Hell you might as well cut off our left arm for all the good we're going to be that day without our phone. It's the idea that while I'm without my phone, an important call may just come in and I won't be around to get it!
On the other hand it's also slightly liberating and mildly exciting...like having a good stiff wind blow right up your dress, sans the underwear.
I realize most of us have attachments to our phones; they are the lifelines to our friends and family when we're out and about living our daily lives. But we've become so attached that when we forget them somewhere, they lose battery life, we leave them in a taxi or drop them in a gin and tonic, we feel naked. Hell you might as well cut off our left arm for all the good we're going to be that day without our phone. It's the idea that while I'm without my phone, an important call may just come in and I won't be around to get it!
On the other hand it's also slightly liberating and mildly exciting...like having a good stiff wind blow right up your dress, sans the underwear.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Mutants!
Has anybody seen this:
http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/11/25/1688782.aspx
My only question is - with all the mutations happening around the world, mostly in third world countries, when are we going to finally develop mutations like the X-Men? I'm really looking forward to changing weather patterns like Storm, because it's way too cold for my tastes right now.
Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving!
http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/11/25/1688782.aspx
My only question is - with all the mutations happening around the world, mostly in third world countries, when are we going to finally develop mutations like the X-Men? I'm really looking forward to changing weather patterns like Storm, because it's way too cold for my tastes right now.
Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Neglected!
Sorry guys, I have been busy in the real world and I have completely neglected to inform you all of my recent misdeeds! Most likely because there haven't been any!
Since it's turned cold, very cold here in the Windy City I've taken to hibernating and working on Santa Crawl costumes. I've taken on eight costumes this year and I'm now down to 10 days to finish them, which is plenty of time because I actually have friends who sew helping out this year. However, it means I have red velvet, green velvet and bits of white fur all over my house! The best part about the Santa Crawl...is cleaning my house afterward.
This Thanksgiving week, and I have now been craving turkey for over a week...I'm definitely looking forward to turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, rolls, pumpkin cheesecake and as much alcohol allowed by law. Oh and two days off this week!
Since it's turned cold, very cold here in the Windy City I've taken to hibernating and working on Santa Crawl costumes. I've taken on eight costumes this year and I'm now down to 10 days to finish them, which is plenty of time because I actually have friends who sew helping out this year. However, it means I have red velvet, green velvet and bits of white fur all over my house! The best part about the Santa Crawl...is cleaning my house afterward.
This Thanksgiving week, and I have now been craving turkey for over a week...I'm definitely looking forward to turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, rolls, pumpkin cheesecake and as much alcohol allowed by law. Oh and two days off this week!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
A Weekend of Fools Revisited
This past weekend I sort of felt like I was living in the Christmas Story, being visited by idiots and fools from the past, present and hopefully NOT future.
PAST - Does anybody remember this guy? After a much talked about a weekend of celebrating, Sunday was supposed to be a slight recovery day, what it ended up being was a rowdy day at McGee's watching football, drinking way too many ____bombs (you fill in the blank; O, Cherry, Grape, Car, Jager) so I was high on Red Bull, dancing around (basically hopping) to burn off all the caffeine and then running into the douche bag from summer. You remember, the guy who met me and then proceeded to call me 9 times between the hours of 2 and 3 AM! I was on my way outside to grab a nicci fit and he followed me, asked if he could bum a cig and when I said I had only one he said, "That's OK, I'll just share yours." Umm, excuse me, we met briefly four months ago, you called me 9 times in a most unpleasant manner, never called back (thankfully) and then you assume I'm going to let you share my last cig? (I ask you Internet - do I look like "Fool" is it tattooed on my head in ink that everybody else can read but me?) So I said no to the last cig and sharing (ewwwww!) and he proceeds to hang around and ask if I remember him. Which I reply, "Yes, but I was just about to the point of forgetting you, so gee, thanks a lot for being here to remind me!"
PRESENT - Saturday was Jen-9's bday party and it was a smash success, however I was inundated with drunken fools...one of which was actually me! There are two guys here in Chi that have made a point of trying to "connect" with me. When I say "connect" I do mean in the puzzle piece sort of way if you get my meaning, but I'm just not into either one of them. One has a history of getting drunk way too often, then texting inappropriate messages to not only yours truly, but to a couple other ladies I know, the other one I'm just not into. So anyway, I still see them all the time, but Saturday was especially interesting. Both of them made a point of breaking into my conversations, requesting permission from friends to ask if they could have a moment with me, and both of them basically trying to get me to go home with them. I'll combine both conversations into one for you - "Wow, Doni I think you're awesome, let's go fuck!" Yeah, that's about it!
FUTURE - OK, on the crush front, there is nothing new to report here...unfortunately.
PAST - Does anybody remember this guy? After a much talked about a weekend of celebrating, Sunday was supposed to be a slight recovery day, what it ended up being was a rowdy day at McGee's watching football, drinking way too many ____bombs (you fill in the blank; O, Cherry, Grape, Car, Jager) so I was high on Red Bull, dancing around (basically hopping) to burn off all the caffeine and then running into the douche bag from summer. You remember, the guy who met me and then proceeded to call me 9 times between the hours of 2 and 3 AM! I was on my way outside to grab a nicci fit and he followed me, asked if he could bum a cig and when I said I had only one he said, "That's OK, I'll just share yours." Umm, excuse me, we met briefly four months ago, you called me 9 times in a most unpleasant manner, never called back (thankfully) and then you assume I'm going to let you share my last cig? (I ask you Internet - do I look like "Fool" is it tattooed on my head in ink that everybody else can read but me?) So I said no to the last cig and sharing (ewwwww!) and he proceeds to hang around and ask if I remember him. Which I reply, "Yes, but I was just about to the point of forgetting you, so gee, thanks a lot for being here to remind me!"
PRESENT - Saturday was Jen-9's bday party and it was a smash success, however I was inundated with drunken fools...one of which was actually me! There are two guys here in Chi that have made a point of trying to "connect" with me. When I say "connect" I do mean in the puzzle piece sort of way if you get my meaning, but I'm just not into either one of them. One has a history of getting drunk way too often, then texting inappropriate messages to not only yours truly, but to a couple other ladies I know, the other one I'm just not into. So anyway, I still see them all the time, but Saturday was especially interesting. Both of them made a point of breaking into my conversations, requesting permission from friends to ask if they could have a moment with me, and both of them basically trying to get me to go home with them. I'll combine both conversations into one for you - "Wow, Doni I think you're awesome, let's go fuck!" Yeah, that's about it!
FUTURE - OK, on the crush front, there is nothing new to report here...unfortunately.
Friday, November 14, 2008
When Compliments are NOT!
Last night I met my friend Jill for drinks and appetizers at Tilli's. It's a great little place on Halsted and it has a cozy feel even though the whole place is quite large. There is a rectangular bar right up front, with three cute bartenders caged like rowdy dogs ready to lick you to death if you'd just let them out of the cage. They're cute, friendly, sassy and apparently speak a multitude of languages with the customers, one being drunken slurring I'm sure.
So I arrived a few minute before Jill and took a seat at the bar on the corner, near the door, but also near a table of three attractive guys, figuring that proximity wins! There was definitely a higher guy to girl ratio in the place, so I figured my odds were good that I would at least have some interesting conversation with someone of the opposite sex before Jill arrived. (Remember I'm trying to find a crush close to home here) Jill arrived and we proceeded to have drinks and appetizers over the next three hours and not one of the guys even bothered to say anything to us. Which is actually quite surprising in Chicago, because usually you can't get through one drink without somebody either saying hi, bumping into you, (guyspeak for, "Hey you're kinda cute!") or offering to buy you a drink.
Jill and I were finishing our last drink, the Jets were finishing off the Patriots and then she gives me the "look", you know the one that says, "OMG, don't look now, but there is something heading our way!" and not in the good way. Sure enough, up comes drunk guy with red wine stained teeth and the most horrible laugh you've ever heard. He's sloshing his red wine everywhere, bumping into both of us and trying to get us to talk to his table of guys into not leaving and going someplace else. He proceeds to ask us annoying questions and we made some comment about the game, to which he replies, "You're Patriots fans? What are you bitch-ass-hos!" My immediate reaction was "Oh no you did not just call us that!" Which of course I voiced, to the purple-teethed-tottering-asshole, then his cute friend came over to smooth things over because I was obviously enraged. Then the asshole tries to tell me it's a term of endearment! I politely gave him a lesson on terms of endearment one uses with A) people you just met B) women you're hoping to impress and C) anybody you hope to converse with at any point in the future beyond the present moment where you're digging yourself a very big hole!
We of course left, but I hope I made an impression that no matter how drunk you are, if you're hoping to approach a woman in the bar, any term of endearment using the words; bitch, ass or ho is not appropriate.
So I arrived a few minute before Jill and took a seat at the bar on the corner, near the door, but also near a table of three attractive guys, figuring that proximity wins! There was definitely a higher guy to girl ratio in the place, so I figured my odds were good that I would at least have some interesting conversation with someone of the opposite sex before Jill arrived. (Remember I'm trying to find a crush close to home here) Jill arrived and we proceeded to have drinks and appetizers over the next three hours and not one of the guys even bothered to say anything to us. Which is actually quite surprising in Chicago, because usually you can't get through one drink without somebody either saying hi, bumping into you, (guyspeak for, "Hey you're kinda cute!") or offering to buy you a drink.
Jill and I were finishing our last drink, the Jets were finishing off the Patriots and then she gives me the "look", you know the one that says, "OMG, don't look now, but there is something heading our way!" and not in the good way. Sure enough, up comes drunk guy with red wine stained teeth and the most horrible laugh you've ever heard. He's sloshing his red wine everywhere, bumping into both of us and trying to get us to talk to his table of guys into not leaving and going someplace else. He proceeds to ask us annoying questions and we made some comment about the game, to which he replies, "You're Patriots fans? What are you bitch-ass-hos!" My immediate reaction was "Oh no you did not just call us that!" Which of course I voiced, to the purple-teethed-tottering-asshole, then his cute friend came over to smooth things over because I was obviously enraged. Then the asshole tries to tell me it's a term of endearment! I politely gave him a lesson on terms of endearment one uses with A) people you just met B) women you're hoping to impress and C) anybody you hope to converse with at any point in the future beyond the present moment where you're digging yourself a very big hole!
We of course left, but I hope I made an impression that no matter how drunk you are, if you're hoping to approach a woman in the bar, any term of endearment using the words; bitch, ass or ho is not appropriate.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Adventures in Facebook....part 3 I think
So I did something totally silly and very unlike me last Friday. I saw a familiar face from years ago, make that twenty years ago and I decided to send him a little email on Facebook. Before I get into the present story, I'll give you a little back story.
In my small hometown of Brigham City, there are only two grocery stores, and for as long as I can remember it's always been that way. When I was in my early teen years, I developed a brutal crush on one of the cashiers/baggers at one of the stores who was four years my senior. Without ever saying a word, my mother knew and would make me go to the store, always picking the one my crush worked at, which was further away and more expensive, just so she could see me squirm. You know how mothers are! Being a small town I knew who he was and even after a two year absence (his not mine) I still had a crush at 17, but I figured the four year age difference back then would certainly have negated any mutual crushing! I saw glimpses of him for the next couple of years, then lost all contact. Then all of a sudden who pops up on Facebook? Yep, that's right, which is where our story begins.
So Friday I decided to send the guy a Facebook msg, just saying, "Hey, you probably don't remember me, but 20 years ago I had a major crush on you and well I just thought you might get a laugh out of that." How was I supposed to know he would respond with the following. "Oh yeah, I totally remember you and the crush was mutual!" (paraphrasing) Then we corresponded with different memories of each other throughout the years and lamenting why neither of us had ever asked the other out. When I got home from my SLC trip on Sunday I was catching up with e-mails when he buzzed me on Facebook and we spent the next hour reminiscing and being silly. Now my problem is I can't get him out of my head, old crushes die hard you know. Oh yeah and he lives on the other side of the country, oh and did I mention he's married with kids! Big No-No!
Needless to say I'm all a twitter and crushing again and I am going to channel that twitter-y-ness (word? didn't think so) to the big party for my friend jen-9 this weekend and I'm going to find a crush closer to home...oh yeah and NOT-MARRIED!
In my small hometown of Brigham City, there are only two grocery stores, and for as long as I can remember it's always been that way. When I was in my early teen years, I developed a brutal crush on one of the cashiers/baggers at one of the stores who was four years my senior. Without ever saying a word, my mother knew and would make me go to the store, always picking the one my crush worked at, which was further away and more expensive, just so she could see me squirm. You know how mothers are! Being a small town I knew who he was and even after a two year absence (his not mine) I still had a crush at 17, but I figured the four year age difference back then would certainly have negated any mutual crushing! I saw glimpses of him for the next couple of years, then lost all contact. Then all of a sudden who pops up on Facebook? Yep, that's right, which is where our story begins.
So Friday I decided to send the guy a Facebook msg, just saying, "Hey, you probably don't remember me, but 20 years ago I had a major crush on you and well I just thought you might get a laugh out of that." How was I supposed to know he would respond with the following. "Oh yeah, I totally remember you and the crush was mutual!" (paraphrasing) Then we corresponded with different memories of each other throughout the years and lamenting why neither of us had ever asked the other out. When I got home from my SLC trip on Sunday I was catching up with e-mails when he buzzed me on Facebook and we spent the next hour reminiscing and being silly. Now my problem is I can't get him out of my head, old crushes die hard you know. Oh yeah and he lives on the other side of the country, oh and did I mention he's married with kids! Big No-No!
Needless to say I'm all a twitter and crushing again and I am going to channel that twitter-y-ness (word? didn't think so) to the big party for my friend jen-9 this weekend and I'm going to find a crush closer to home...oh yeah and NOT-MARRIED!
Monday, November 10, 2008
PIMP Mommy!
In an effort to be more visual, I am going to make a late-year resolution and promise to post more pictures. Let's start with this:
Would anybody in the Great Salt Lake area care for an introduction to this guy?
Besides being one of my favorite people in the whole world and a BFF, he can cook, he is very kind and he knows how to have a good time. Did I mention he can cook!
On my recent trip home to SLC, I stayed at Tommy's amazing house, where he treated me like a queen, cooked for me; some amazing meals I might add, especially the one we had on Wednesday when the power kept going out, coming back on, then going right back out again.
There are a lot of people I miss being away from SLC, and Tommy is one of the people at the top of the list. He's promised to come visit me in a few weeks and I'm hoping this post will guilt trip him into actually making the trip here. It's the Kris Kringle Pub Crawl, which is not unlike the Santa Pub Crawls my friends and I have attended over the years and it sure would be nice to have an old friend to mix with the new ones, plus he has a kick ass elf costume I made for him!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
