Monday, June 23, 2008

Axis Slightly Off-Kilter

Today I had one of those moments. You know the kind that makes you re-think your age, identity, friendships, etc. Today, a very good friend of mine changed his profile picture on Facebook and let’s just say the picture was definitely dated. It looks like a prom/high school dance photo, and it’s sometime in the late seventies. I have never thought of this friend as old, even though I know he’s older than me, he’s always been a peer and seeing as how he hangs with all of us in our varying ages, I just never really thought of the age gap until I saw the photo. Though he does look smokin' in the photo (Sorry I cannot post the picture here due to privacy…which is a total bummer!) And then I started to wonder, did I ever think I would ever grow-up, like I always imagined adults do? You know; have the whole husband, kids, house in the 'burbs thing.

I’m now in my mid-thirties and when I look at my life, which I am very fortunate to have; I am single, well established career wise, financially secure (both now and for the future), I am well traveled and continue to travel as much as possible, I have friends from varied backgrounds all over the world and I have an education that nobody can take away from me. But if I compare my life as it is now, with what I thought life was supposed to be like at this point; I am fully 180 degrees in the other direction. I guess when you’re growing up you look at your parents and you either model your life after them or run screaming for the hills, my life is far different from where my mother was at my age and I know she is as much grateful for that as I am. I guess I just always thought of thirty-anything as old and now here I am re-evaluating fifty and sixty!

These are the things I ponder and I wonder about all those kids from my early years who knew exactly what they wanted to be and how they wanted to grow-up. I wonder how many opportunities they have had to re-evaluate their lives and I wonder if they wonder at all?

2 comments:

Sarah Bellum said...

I know this picture you speak of. I loved it!

breathingmoss said...

I have found constant, ongoing re-evaluation to be absolutely necessary for my well-being.

Sometimes I have difficulty connecting with friends from childhood or adolescence whose lives mirror those in our small Nor.Utah hometown. What I wanted and what they want are indeed worlds apart. The same is true for my mama's life and my own, and while that has at times caused difficulty in connection, it's also provided opportunities for connection.

But yeah, I relate. It's weird to be thirty-something and realize - whoa. I don't have kids. I'm not gonna have kids. I am not navigating being a "career mom." And then I am especially grateful.