Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Same Shoes - Different Me

So it’s been a few days since the last post because I’ve been in SLC visiting friends and family and without my laptop (ugh), but I had to take just a few minutes and write something down.

Upon returning to SLC I met up with friends, had a few drinks (a few too many sometimes), attended a raging 80’s/Headbanger/Hair band party, had dinner at a friend’s house, spent some time with the family and once again met up with friends for dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant. Being home is very easy in one aspect, because you know this city, you know your friends and it never seems to change, but ultimately it’s a little heartbreaking because you realize that people do move on and your place within the group has changed. You go from being a daily part of the puzzle to being the visitor. On one hand it’s nice because for a few days everybody does exactly what you want to do (which rarely happens when they see you every day). But on the other hand, your place within the group that was forged over many dinners, trips, parties, funerals and various other activities has now gone away. Sure your friends still love you, but you no longer matter in their daily routine. They are the same people and so are you, but you now know that your daily lives don’t interact like they used to.

Coming home is like putting on the great pair of shoes that you wore everywhere last year and when you pull them out of your closet after a hiatus they don’t fit the same anymore. It’s not like they’re too big or too small they’re just not the same anymore. They’re still classic, stylish, gorgeous shoes, they just don’t feel the same. I have different shoes I wear now and they’re not better they’re just different.

Today, I miss the way the old shoes felt when I wore them everywhere. I’m torn between the old shoes and the new shoes that I love. When I go home to Chicago they will go back to the closet and I'll be wearing the new shoes once again.

1 comment:

lindsay said...

so clearly i am not working. i am catching up on my life and being sick. this makes me cry, hard. so well said with so much emotion. you da best girlie.